Misha's Strange Wonderings

Summer 2007

2007-09-02T21:52:00.000-04:00

Ok, wow, I never update this anymore... Oops. Well, it's been a crazy few months, that's for sure. Now summer's come to an end, wah!

Let's see... As most of you know my grandfather passed on at the beginning of July. I haven't gotten into a place yet where I can really write about that, its just... It still hasn't really sunken in yet, to be honest.

My birthday has come and gone. It was a pretty good one. There was a keg, lots of beer was drunk, fun was had by all and that's really all I can ask. It was especially nice to get to spend five days with Taela and to visit with Tim and Kelly, I've missed you guys so much! As for being another year older, 24's not bad, so far I like it. Next year, we're going whitewater rafting, I've already decided! 25 is going to come in with a bang!

I did a summer semester, which was meh... Three straight semesters of school is not my idea of fun, especially when it looks like I have another 5 ahead of me before I get any significant break. Eww! Also, I got screwed a bit, joy, so I really have to evaluate my options and figure out what I'm doing next--do I take the easier, longer road or do I take a harder path that should get me where I need to be in the same amount of time as I originally wanted? I haven't really made up my mind yet, I just... I have time, I'll figure it out, too much else to focus on.

Though, I hated having school in the summer, I did really enjoy my language credit, which was Italian! And I managed a 80%! Yay me! This is really impressive, keeping in mind that I barely passed French when I was forced to take it years ago. So, despite everything else, I am really proud of myself for that!

Let's see... Summer 2007... There was Beerfest which was a lot of fun, as well as a few short visits home and various activities with friends, Tyler's birthday and a trip to the Ex (though it really was just a shopping excursion), all of it a lot of fun, though I still say the summer really did go by to quickly!

The piece to resistance of the summer, was the Kelley Armstrong message board meet. It was a really emotional weekend, getting to see my board friends again, and meeting new ones for the first time. I had a wonderful time and I was definitely sad to see the weekend--next summer can't come soon enough!

The only other thing of note, is the fact that I moved this weekend. Mark and I officially moved in together, or rather we moved stuff into the apartment that I will move into this week and that we will occupy together as of October 1st. It's a big step, kinda scary, but really nice all the same and we have a nice little home, I'm really happy with it!

So, that's it... It's been an eventful summer, which is mostly why I haven't really been updating! Though I'll try to update more often. Really, I will.

Brief Update

2007-05-03T15:32:00.000-04:00

I'm on break between semesters right now. I go back to school on May 8th. Not much of a vacation, really, but what can you do?

I went home to Castleton for a few days, went to the fishing party, and then went back to Toronto for a couple of days, and then headed to Brantford on Monday where I am now, to spend sometime with Erica and the kids. A busy couple weeks all and all.

I'll be back in Castleton for May 2-4, having a party at Mom's. Surprisingly she's okay with it, I think it's a sign of how much she misses me--of course, she was always cool about me having random parties (as long as they didn't get too large, loud or destructive), but I would have thought that privellage was revoked when I left home, but apparently not.

I'm trying to get all my OSAP stuff sorted out, so that there'll be a next semester and so far, so good. It's just complicated. Stupid government, never make anything easy. I'll sleep better when I know it's all taken care of, that's for sure. I can get nightmares of having to drop out of school and work in a call centre for the rest of my life out of my head.

An Interview With Shanna Swendson

2007-04-28T12:29:00.001-04:00

So, as everyone knows I'm a huge book fan. Books are my life and some of my favourite books are Shanna Swendson's Katie Chandler books. So, I decided to participate in her great blog campaign, to get word out about the books and especially the upcoming Damsel Under Stress (which I am so psyched to read)! So, here is an e-mail interview with Shanna Swendson! This will be posted in my Opinion blog as well, where I recently talked about the first two books in the series, but I wanted it here too.

So, without, further ado, here we go:

When did you start writing? Have you always known you wanted to be a writer?

I've always entertained myself by making up stories in my head. When I was about twelve, I realized that if I wrote them down, I'd have a book, and that was when I started thinking that I wanted to be a writer. I just didn't really know how to go about doing it. It seemed like such a big dream, like becoming a movie star. I came up with a lot of story ideas and wrote a lot of first chapters but didn't really get anywhere with it. Soon after I graduated from college, I started to pursue writing more seriously, got involved with writing organizations, went to conferences and generally learned what it took from a business standpoint as well as a craft standpoint.

When you started "Enchanted, Inc.", did you always envision it as a series? If so, did you write it planning for future books, setting up things that would come up later or saving details for further down the road?

I always saw it as a series, but I didn't have a good sense of how the series would really shape up until I actually started writing the book and really "met" the characters. I remember thinking it would be fun if there would be Internet debates on which guy Katie should end up with. At one point I thought the next book would be "Magic, Spells, and Illusions, Ltd." and be set in the London office. When I wrote chapter four of Enchanted, Inc., I got the idea for what would happen in what I thought would be book three, and midway through the book I came up with the idea of what I thought would be book two, plus who the bad guy in that book would be, so I started laying the clues and groundwork. I ended up combining the ideas for books two and three into the second book. I've also been laying clues for a big part of what I hope will be in book five.

You're working on the proposal for book 5, do you see that as the last book in the series? Do you have a clear ending for Katie's story in mind, or could it go on indefinitely?

Book 5 is the last for this "chapter" of Katie's life. There's a possibility of picking it up again for another story arc, but I'm not entirely sure yet where that will go. I have a few vague ideas already. I'd like to write some other things first, though.

Are there ever times when you just don't feel like writing, but you have to? When it stops being fun and becomes a chore? Do you still like writing? Do you still do it for fun and not just for work?

It really depends on the day. On the days when I've had a great idea and I'm all excited, it's fun. But there are also days when I'd rather do anything but write, even though I have to. Once I make myself get started, though, I have fun and remember why I like this. I don't have time these days to write much just for fun--something that's not contracted and that I'm not being paid for--other than lots of character analysis posts on Television Without Pity.

Which character is your favorite?

Owen is probably my favorite character I've ever created.

Who do you like the least?

I don't know that I have a least favorite. I seem to even have a bit of fondness for my villains because they're fun to write.

Who do you find speaks the loudest to you?

Owen's quiet in the books, but very loud in my brain. He's managed to promote himself from what I thought would be a minor supporting character into a main character.

Have any of your characters surprised you by developing in ways you didn't see coming?

Idris keeps surprising me, to the point I almost feel sorry for him at times because he has these big ambitions without the real skills to carry them out.

If you could have magical powers, would you want them and what would you do with them?

I'd love to be able to clean house by waving my hand. Teleportation or time travel would be cool, too.

Which character in your book would you most like to be?

I'd probably want to be Katie because she gets to spend so much time with Owen. :-)

Which character do you relate to the most?

I think, though, that I relate most to Owen. I didn't realize this until I'd written three books with him in them, but he's probably more like me internally than any other character.

Are we going to learn more about the backgrounds of specific characters, such as why Phillip was turned into a frog or why Rod spends all his time hiding behind that illusion? Is more of Owen's background going to be revealed in time?

You learn what happened to Philip in Damsel Under Stress, and it turns out to be related to our main story. Book five (if it gets published!) is largely about Owen's background, and Rod's issues play into that.

What's your favorite fan story?

One of my favorite stories is a lady who wrote to me to tell me that she got Enchanted, Inc. accidentally when she ordered some books online and it was in the box instead of one of the books she'd ordered -- and after looking at it, she decided to keep it, and then she became a fan of the series.

What's the best compliment on your books you've ever gotten?

The best compliment is when someone says one of my books kept her up all night reading or helped her get through a difficult time.

How does it feel when people come up to you and tell you how much they love your books?

It's still a bit of a jolt to hear from someone who loves my books. I guess I'm still getting used to the idea that these people who've been living in my head are now living in other people's heads. I'm also still a bit "Who? Me?" when someone goes fangirl on me because I'm more used to being the one doing that to other authors.

Three Years

2007-02-21T13:59:00.000-05:00

Three years ago today, I lost my father.

My life is so different than it was before that tragic night. I'm so different.

I try to move on my life, move past it, but on days like today, I can't help dwelling on the past. On the life I had before that fateful day, the life that included my father. It's been three years since I saw him, since I hugged or kissed him, told him that I loved him. Three long, often painful years.

Grief is a very difficult thing. In some ways, it defines you, at least for a time. It takes over your life, slowly controlling you, and it takes time to move past. Even three years later, I'm not yet completely free of it's web.

I still miss my father every day and I sometimes find myself caught up in that dark, agonizing feeling of loss, though not as much as I once did. Today, it's just ever-present. I can't get away from teh memories or the feelings. Three years ago today, my father was alive and then he wasn't.

I still wonder why he had to die, why at only 20 I had to lose my father, why he had to die at 48. It still seems so cruel, so unfair. But I know, it's not for me to know, but just to accept. The world works in weird ways, but to everything there is a purpose. I believe that, have always believed that.

Of course, that belief is cold comfort today when all I can think about is the life I had three years ago and the man I miss more than words can say. After all, three years ago today I lost my daddy.

Here We Go Again

2007-01-30T12:26:00.000-05:00

It's beginning again. It's almost February and like the last two years, I feel the same old symptoms coming back. I'm more irritable, my thoughts are darker and I'm having a harder time sleeping. Joy.

It's been almost three years. 22 days from now it'll be three years and yet here I am, going through the same dark cycle for the third year in a row. You'd think I'd have made progress my now, moved on at least slightly, but apparently not.

At least there's an improvement in the fact that I've made it to at least semi-funtional 11 months of the year. It's just when we get close to February, that it all hits me and I forget all the progress I've made and go back to being broken and damaged.

I don't think I'm as damaged any more, but I'm certainly still damaged. I broke that day almost three years ago. I really, compleletly broke and though I'm back together better now, there are still cracks. It's like breaking a bone, it never quite works the same again and there's always a bit of pain there.

I'm going home this weekend for Grandpa's birthday. I'll probably make a trip to the cemetary, since I won't be around on the 21st (since it's mid-week). I know he's not really there, but it makes me feel closer to him. It's odd, I feel more comfort from the stone, than from his actual ashes which are on our bookshelf... Maybe, it's the symbolism. Whatever it is, it's comforting and well, I need all the comfort I can get.

Feeling Better

2007-01-28T15:44:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm more or less well again, thankfully. I'm back in the city and tomorrow I return to class. Which is a good thing, since missing a week of class this early in the semester is bad. Very bad.

Other than that, there's not a lot going on with me. I was sick, now I'm not. Going to class and all that jazz. Yeah, my life's really, really dull, what can I say?

Well, that's all. Just thought I'd update you all health-wise, in case anyone was worried about me.

Sick

2007-01-23T11:19:00.000-05:00

As most of you know, I've been sick for a while. Turns out I have tonsillitis. Interesting thing is that my throat's been the thing that's been bugging me the least, since it's been at least semi-sore for about a month and I've almost stopped noticing it.

Of course, that could be because I've had infected tonsils for at least that long. Apparently my tonsils are pretty damned affected. Going on antibiotics and have to see a doctor again in 2 days. Joy. Best part is, I saw a doctor two weeks ago and she apparently totally missed it. Fun. This is why I hate doctors.

At least now I know what the Hell is wrong with me.

2006: A Year in Review

2006-12-28T15:19:00.000-05:00

So, there are only a few more days in 2006, which means it's time to start looking ahead on the new year to come and to start reflecting on the one that passed.

2006 was a year of change for me. In a lot of ways, this was the year where I emerged from the limbo caused by my father's death and started getting my life back on track. I have plans and goals and some sort of crazy thing resembling a real life.

I got out of Castleton. Not that I don't love my hometown, it's always going to be home, but I needed to experience life beyond that tiny little town, see what else life has to offer. I always want Castleton to be there, a place I can go back to, but I also want more than that.

I went back to school. Studying had never been my strong suit in the past, but this past semester I did ok. I pulled down good grades and developed the kind of study habits it would have been nice to have at 13, instead of 23, but better late than never, right?

I've made a lot of headway personally, becoming the person I want to be and dealing with a lot of my issues. Not all of them, but a lot. I'm calmer and more stable, I think. I've begun to deal with things and to put them behind me, at least a little bit. I'm becoming who I need to be.

Then, there's Mark, of course. Definitely the best part of 2006. Being in a relationship took a little bit of adjustment for me, but it's definitely worth it. Mark is wonderful and amazing and I'm so glad I have him in my life.

So, all in all, 2006 was a pretty great year and there were a lot of changes, all for the better. Now the question is what will 2007 bring?

Final Grades

2006-12-21T11:29:00.000-05:00

So, my semester is finished and I received my final grades back. I not only passed everything, I managed to do fairly well in most of my courses.

My low grades were Psych and Soc. which I predicted months ago. I finished with a 63% in Psych and a 67% in Soc. Not terribly high, but pretty good given how much I struggled in those two classes all semester long.

I got 74% in both Compostion (which would have been higher had I not failed an assignment early in the year) and Critical Aware Thinking and a 75% in Philosophy. All in all pretty good.

My best mark was an 80% in Lit! I'll admit that I would have been disapointed with anything less. I wanted that mark pretty badly since Lit was my favourite class and the one I found the easiest. Maybe that's a good sign about the future...

Anyway, I just thought I'd share my final marks with everyone. After years of poor grades, it's kinda nice to be able to talk about high grades for once!

Christmas Holidays

2006-12-15T10:47:00.000-05:00

I have one more exam in a few hours, then I'm done and it's on to the Chrismtas holidays. Yay!

I'm still not sure exactly what holiday plans I have, but... Well, spontanity is fun, right? Right now, the plan goes: I'm heading home tonight and decoring the tree with Mom. Tomorrow I head to Toronto for the weekend. On Monda night, I go to Brantford until sometime near the end of the week, then I head back landing me in Castleton in time for Christmas, since that's a must.

Then, of course, it'll be the family stuff--yay! Get to see aunts, uncles and cousins and all that fun stuff. Plus lots of food. Christmas time has the best food or rather, at Christmas one gets the best food. I like food.

So, if I don't post before then (though I probably will), I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!

Stress

2006-12-12T23:31:00.000-05:00

So with three days left of school, plus Christmas and moving and all that fun stuff to follow, my life is very stressful at the moment. It seems like I'm doing a million things all at once and that's making me a little cranky.

Of course, Mom and I are fighting. What else is new? We get stressed and we snap at one another. Same old, same old. It just stresses me out even more, which means we fight more, it's a vicious circle.

Still, in three days school will be over and that pressure will be gone. Then, I just have to get through Christams, find an apartment and actually move. But, it should be easier when I don't have to think about exams and assignments and that fun stuff.

Exam Time and Christmas Shopping

2006-12-10T22:22:00.000-05:00

So down to the final week of classes. Wow. The last fourteen weeks have flown by surprisingly quick. It seems like it all started only yesterday, though there were times when it seemed that it would never end (usually when I had a major project due).

I only have one essay left to do and that's almost finished and then it's just my five exams and that's it. I'm done. Wow. As of this moment my lowest grade is a 64% in Psych (which is my hardest course) and the rest of my grades are all in the 70s (mostly high 70s) and that's with a good portion of my marks back. I'm still waiting on most of my English (my best subject) marks though, it's the only subject where I have less than 50% of the course work currently graded.

So, I'm all done and then on to other things. I'll be moving out of my place here on the 15th and then into a new place (when I find one--though I have a few promising leads) on January 1st. Lots of things in motion right now, seems to all be happening quickly, but that's how it goes, I suppose.

On another note, I have finished about 80% of my Christmas shopping, which is good, I like having wrapped presents around--they put me in a Christmasy mood and I've found doing Christmasy things like shopping, wrapping presents and writign Christmas cards is a good stress-reliever, which is a good thing right about now.

No NaNo

2006-11-21T12:45:00.000-05:00

This year I decided to try NaNo, because I'd been interested for a while. The challenge of writing 50,000 words in a month is a good one. Especially since one of the things with NaNo is to turn off the self-editor (one of my biggest problems) and just write.

Unforunately, I'm having to admit defeat. Three weeks into NaNo, I've written just over 11,000 words. Not bad, but quite short of the overall goal. It's just bad timing, there's too much else going on in my life right now to really be able to sit down and write.

Also, I basically plucked an idea out of nowhere since one of the rules of NaNo is that it has to be something fresh and while it sorta intruigued me at the beginning, it's not something I'm really interested in writing. Which is a problem. If I'm not interested in what I'm writing, then I can't write it. It's that simple.

So, NaNo is a really interesting idea and I'll definitly try again next year, but this year it just isn't feasible. I have too much on my plate with school and not enough motiviation. Oh, well, at least I tried right?

Taking A Deep Breathe

2006-11-16T18:56:00.000-05:00

First of all, I'm sorry for the depressing post the other day, it was just one of those days. Things just overwhelmed me and I was sad and it all came bursting out. I'm better now, though.

I have a plan for what happens next, living situation-wise, some leads that I intend on following. Right now I'm just figuring it out in my head, putting out feelers and trying to come up with a good plan. I'll work something out, I know it, I just want to be cautious.

School's school. I'm doing pretty good. Most of my classes have returned at least 30% of the course work, so I'm starting to get a pretty good idea of where I stand. It's only in Lit and Critical Aware Thinking that I don't have a good picture yet, but I'm pretty confident in those two courses.

I got 76% on the Philosophy essay which was worth 35% of my final mark, which I'm pretty happy with since I found it a difficult essay. I don't find the course particularly hard, because I can grasp what other people are saying, but I do ahve difficulty coming up with my own philosophical thoughts. I also got 77% on my last Sociology assignment, which was a big deal to me because of all my subjects, Sociology is the one where I'm struggling the most. I just don't get it most of the time, but I'm doing my best and this mark was an improvement over the last one (where I got 70%), so I'm doing something right...

Five more weeks left to the semester and then I'm done. I just have to keep remembering that.

200th Post

2006-11-14T10:10:00.000-05:00

First, I'd like to say that this is the 200th post on this blog! That's pretty impressive, right? That I've actually come up with 200 things to babble about... So, I'll be moving in the new year. My living situation has become very tense and it has been agreed that I will find a new place to live. Sigh. However, I have been looking into my options and put out a few feelers, so it shouldn't be too bad.

Of course, since this is me--I don't know. I get paranoid over little things and when things start to go good, well that's when they're about to go bad, right? I blow things out of proportion in my mind and start obsessing over them, to the point where all I can do is focus on how everything is about to go wrong.

Maybe it's because I'm basically an insecure person deep down, no matter how I try to hide it. I truly believe that in the end I'm going to screw things up, friendships, relationships, school and I spend most of my time trying to fight those beliefs because I know it's self destructive. I am my own worst enemy.

The worst part is with the people in my life, I won't ask them about it. If they act differently or if I get a weird feeling from them, I'll obsess about it for weeks, but I will never broach the subject with them. I'm too afraid they're going to say that they hate me.

I'm having one of those days. I'm sitting in the lab, because I have no where else to go, crying my eyes out. I can't go back to my apartment, because it'll just make things worse. I called my mom and she just made me feel worse. I just feel kind of unhappy about my situation as a whole, but I am being rescued. My friend Tim came and got me. I have good friends—probably part of why, I’m afraid to voice my feelings, because without them I’d be lost and I don’t want to do anything to drive them away.

Anyway, this has been a pretty depressing 200th post. Oops, but if you’re reading this, then you’re probably used to it.

Weekend Update

2006-11-12T10:32:00.000-05:00

I'm writing this from Meg and Phil's place, since I can't sleep any later. I swear it's a school thing, my body is now being programmed to be up early even when it doesn't have to be and when I probably really could use the sleep, since it's something that's in short supply.

Friday night Mark, Phil, Meg and I watched "Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang" and then hung out for a while, for which Lucas joined us for a little bit. Then, last night Tara, Meg, and I had a girls night which was fun. We had pasta and drank some wine and talked and watched a movie. It was nice. Fun hanging out with my girlfriends for a while, with no men around.

Today, I'm spending time with Mark (yay!), before I head back to Peterborough. So, that'll be nice. This has been a very low-key weekend, but that's nice. Just hanging out with my boyfriend and my friends make for a great weekend, no matter what's being done, and I've been in a stay-in kind of mood lately, probably the pressures of school and all that.

My Name...

2006-11-09T00:20:00.000-05:00

http://www.paulsadowski.com/NameData.asp

You entered: Michelle Elizabeth McKague

There are 24 letters in your name.
Those 24 letters total to 108
There are 10 vowels and 14 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 9

The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

The expression or destiny for #9:
The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.

If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.

Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

Your Soul Urge number is: 3

A Soul Urge number of 3 means:
With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends. You want to be in the limelight, expressing your artistic or intellectual talents. Word skills may be your thing; speaking, writing, acting, singing. In a positive sense, the 3 energy is friendly, outgoing and always very social.

You have a decidedly upbeat attitude that is rarely discouraged; a good mental and emotional balance.

The 3 Soul Urge gives intuitive insight, thus, very high creative and inspirational tendencies. The truly outstanding trait shown by the 3 Soul Urge is that of self-expression, regardless of the field of endeavor.

On the negative side, you may at times become too easygoing and too optimistic, tending to scatter forces and accomplish very little. Often, the excessive 3 energy produces non-stop talkers. Everyone has faults, but the 3 soul urge doesn't appreciate having these pointed out.

Your Inner Dream number is: 6

An Inner Dream number of 6 means:
You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.

A lot of that is actually scarily accurate. The birthdate thing was just fun, but this is kinda scary. Especially the part about the non-stop talking as a fault.

Birthday Calculator

2006-11-09T00:10:00.000-05:00

From: http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthData.asp

Your date of conception was on or about 2 November 1982 which was a Tuesday.

You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Leo.
Your Life path number is 9.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2445541.5.
The golden number for 1983 is 8.
The epact number for 1983 is 16.
The year 1983 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/13/1983 and ending 2/1/1984.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Pig.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Salmon; your plant is Raspberry.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Paopy, the second month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 17 Av 5743.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 18 Av 5743.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.10.2.17 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 10 tun 2 uinal 17 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Tuesday, 15 Shavval 1403 (1403-10-15).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 3 April 1983.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 8 May 1983.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 16 February 1983.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 22 May 1983.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 29 May 1983.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Thursday, 8 September 1983.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 29 March 1983.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 15 February 1983.

As of 11/8/2006 11:24:43 PM EST
You are 23 years old.
You are 280 months old.
You are 1,215 weeks old.
You are 8,506 days old.
You are 204,167 hours old.
You are 12,250,044 minutes old.
You are 735,002,683 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:

Kate Beckinsale (1973)	Sandra Bullock (1964)	Kevin Spacey (1959)
Dorothy Hamill (1956)	Roger Taylor (1949)	Helen Mirren (1946)
Mick Jagger (1943)	Stanley Kubrick (1928)	Blake Edwards (1922)
Jason Robards, Jr. (1922)	Vivian Vance (1912)	Gracie Allen (1902)
Aldous Huxley (1894)	Carl Jung (1875)	George Bernard Shaw (1856)

Top songs of 1983

Every Breath You Take by Police	Billie Jean by Michael Jackson
Flashdance by Irene Cara	Say Say Say by Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson
All Night Long by Lionel Richie	Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
Down Under by Men at Work	Beat It by Michael Jackson
Islands In the Stream by Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton	Baby, Come to Me by Patti Austin & James Ingram

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.32915851272016 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

There are 260 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 24 candles.

Those 24 candles produce 24 BTUs,
or 6,048 calories of heat (that's only 6.0480 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.74 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1983 there were approximately 3.6 million births in the US.
In 1983 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1983 in the US there were 2,444,000 marriages (10.5%) and 1,179,000 divorces (5%)
In 1983 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1983 the population of Australia was approximately 15,483,496.
In 1983 there were approximately 242,570 births in Australia.
In 1983 in Australia there were approximately 114,860 marriages and 43,525 divorces.
In 1983 in Australia there were approximately 110,084 deaths.

Your birthstone is Ruby

The Mystical properties of Ruby

Ruby is said to open one's heart to love.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Carnelian

Your birth tree is

Cypress, the Faithfulness
Strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, happy,content,optimistic, needs enough money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered,unruly, pedantic and careless.

There are 47 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 60 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.

Just to amuse myself, I calculated the the life path numbers of 16 of the people closest to me. I only got three 3,6, or 9s (my best matches) and this didn't include either of my parents, my two best friends, or my boyfriend, though it did include my favourite aunt. The next best numbers were 1&5 and I got four of those (including both my best friends). The so-so numbers of 2,7,&11 had three (including my boyfriend). That leaves six people in the terrible numbers of 4,8,&22, including both my parents. The numbering was just for one, but it amazed me that a lot of the combinations were so low since the people I calculated are all very importnat in my life. But, oh, well, it was just for fun anyway, right?

Wonderful Weekend

2006-11-07T10:29:00.000-05:00

So, I had like the best weekend. Mark came down to Castleton on Saterday afternoon and we just spent the weekend together, doing little things, which was amazing.

The problem with a long distance relaitonship is that you don't really get the time to do the little things, like just spend time together. This weekend we got that chance, we were able to watch TV and cook dinner and just enjoy being together and it was nice. I even made a point not to brood about having to say goodbye (something I do too often when we're together, I let the inevitable cast a shadow on the present).

But this weekend, I just enjoyed my man and just being with him. I also introduced him to a few people, which was good and it seemed to go well. I figure I'll slowly introduce him to all the people in my life, since there tends to be quite a lot.

I'm back in Peterborough now, back to my daily grind. School's going well and I do have a life here, that's slowly coming along, but I still have hard days when it feels like I'm going to be here forever. But it's only six months, right, and then I'm one step closer to the rest of my life...

New Friends and Reading Week

2006-11-02T23:09:00.000-05:00

So, I'm finally starting to make friends at Fleming and real friends, not just hang out at school and talk a bit during class kind of friends, but the kind I can go out and do things with or just talk to for hours. So far, it seems pretty good.

Two of the people in my class, Tim and Sarah, and I have just really hit it off. We've hung out a few times and it was a lot of fun. Turns out we have a lot in common and it lead to quite the enjoyable time.

I need that, people here that I can just have fun with the way I do with my other friends. I'm a social person and I need interaction. So I'm really glad I'm making good friends. It is funny how much Tim and Sarah are like my other friends. I always kind of thought that my choice of friends was more of a fluke, but apparently not. Apparently, I am drawn to a certain type of person. Interesting.

Back in Peterborough, after Reading Week. School's well, school. Been a busy week, handed in three assignments and had one test (with another one tomorrow). Hopefully, I've done well on everything (I think I have).

Reading Week was fun. Went to Brantford, then to Toronto where Meg held a Halloween party (which was a blast). I got both family and friend time in, which is good. Though, it wasn't entirely a vacation since my homework came with me (boo!)

Going back to Castleton for the weekend tomorrow, which will be nice. I haven't been home in a few weeks and I miss everyone (especially my kittys).

Reading Week Blas

2006-10-26T22:25:00.000-04:00

So, it's Reading Week. That means Michelle has a week off from class, but not from homework. Got lots of that, which is being done, for all that I would rather avoid it (since its not exactly fun), I think I've matured.

The semester is at its half way point, meaning I am 25% of the way through my year at Fleming College. That's kinda scary. The school part of things seem to be just flying by, though I wish I could say the same for the personal side. It feels like I've been in Peterborough forever and that I won't be leaving anytime in the next million years.

No one said it would be easy right and I do know it's not really going to be forever. There is an end in sight. There's only 176 days to go until I'm done school and onto the next phase of my life, somethign that terrifies and excites me all in the same time. There are a lot of pitfalls along the path of the next 176 days, a lot of places I can screw up before I get there. One day at a time, that's how I have to take it. I'll worry about today, then think about the next 175 days and everything that comes after.

Enough about that, I'm on break, I should be relaxing. Which is what I have been doing, mostly. I'm in Brantford, visiting with my cousin and the kids, who, btw, are so stinking cute. God, I've missed them. I love kids.

Halloween party on Saterday. Still have no real ideas. I'll figure out something though, since I'm not about to let Meg dress me when I get to the party and I am totally confident in the fact that she was serious about her threat: so let that be a warning to you all.

Another Survey

2006-10-26T01:33:00.000-04:00

Section 1 - Basics
Known as: Michelle
Lives in: Castleton
Birthday: July 26th, 1983
Shoe size: 9. Sometimes 8 1/2 or 9 1/2. Depends on the shoe.
Hair color: Currently? Brown. Naturally? Blonde.
Eye color: Blue
Style: My own.

Section 2 - Have You Ever...
Fallen off the bed?: This is me, of course I have.
Broken someone’s heart?: I certainly hope not.
Had your heart broken?: Not really.
Had a dream come true?: Yes, more than once, but not always in a good way.
Done something you regret?: Yes and no. I've done lots of things I wouldn't do over, but I have this whole theory about not having regrets, because everything is a learning experience.
Cheated on a test?: Yes.

Section 3 - Currently...
Wearing?: . Jeans, M*A*S*H t-shirt, green sweater.
Listening to?: Nothing.
Located?: Brantford, upstairs in my/Josh's room.
Chatting with?: Mark.
Watching?: Nothing.
Should really be doing?: My Philosophy paper.

Section 4 - Do You...
Brush your teeth?: Yes.
Have any piercings?: My navel. And my ears (double)
Drive?: Sort of. Though, I don't even have a G1 anymore.
Smoke?: Occasionally at a party when I've had a few drinks.
Got a cell?: No. I need to get a new one.

Section 5 - The Last Person You...
Hugged?: Ian.
Kissed?: Real kiss? Mark. Friendly kiss like on the forehead? Ian.
IMed?: Mark.
Talked on the phone: My mom.
Yelled at?: Probably my mother.

Section 6 - Personal
What do you want to be when you finish college?: Future goals are a little vague at the moment. In fact, completley blank. What? I have no focus.
What has been the best day of your life?: I don't know. The worst day is easy, but the best...
What comes first in your life?: My family and friends.
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: I have a boyfriend.
What are you most scared of?: Losing someone I love.
What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: Various things.
Did you lose someone you really loved?: Yes.
How many times have you fallen in love?: Once.
Love your family?: Hell yes.
Love your friends?: Very much.
Are you a virgin?: No.

Section 7 - Favorite...
Movie: Miracle.
Song: "Ruby Tuesday", for sentimental reasons.
Band: The Rolling Stones.
Store: Suzy Shier.
Sport: Hockey.
Ice Cream Flavor: Vanilla.
Fruit: Cherry.
Candy: Hot tamales.
Day of the Week: Friday.
Time: Midnight.
Color: Pink.
Name for a Girl: Katherine or Abbigail.
Name for a Boy: Alexander or Matthew.

Section 8- Do You...
Like to give hugs?: To people I like.
Like to give kisses?: To select few.
Like to walk in the rain?: No.
Prefer black or blue pens?: Don't care.
Like to travel?: I'd like to travel more.
Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: Right side.
Have a goldfish?: No.
Ever have the falling dream?: Yes.
Have stuffed animals?: Yes, several.

Section 9 - What Do You Think About...
Abortion: It's your body, your choice.
Suicide: Probably the most selfish thing you can do.
Smoking: It's your lungs.
Summer: I love summer.
Tattoos: They can be a good form of expression, but I think you have to be very careful since you'll be living with it for the rest of your life.
Piercings: Well, I have one so... Also, in general I think they're pretty okay. I mean, I have no desire to stick a piece of metal through my eyebrow, but if you do, more power to you.

Section 10 - This or that
Pierced nose or tongue?: Tongue.
Single or taken?: Single.
MTV or BET?: MTV. Though, I'm more of a VH1 kinda girl.
7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: Well, six or so years ago, I was a big fan of both... But I was also sixteen, so I don't think that counts... I'll have to say Dawson's Creek, I guess.
Sugar or salt?: Sugar.
Silver or gold?: Silver.
Chocolate or flowers?: Chocolate, is there even really a choice?
Color or Black-and-white photos?: Color.
M&Ms or Skittles?: Skittles.
Stay up late or sleep in?: Both. I usually stay up late and then sleep in until afternoon.
Hot or cold?: Hot. I hate the cold.
Mustard or ketchup?: Ketchup.
Spring or Fall?: Fall. I've never really liked springs.
Happy or sad?: I've spent too much of the last year and a half sad, so I'll say happy.
Wonder or amazement?: Wonder.
Mexican or Italian: Um, tough choice. Let's see... Mexican.
Candy or Soda?: Soda
Pepsi or Coke?: Pepsi

Thanksgiving

2006-10-10T15:47:00.000-04:00

So, I'm back in Peterborough after the long weekend. Isn't it amazing how fast four days can go by? I swear my weekend just flew by, which might be because I was so busy. In the space of five days I went from Peterborough to Oshuwa to Castleton, back to Oshuwa to Toronto to Castleton, then back to Peterborough. Lots of running around.

Had a good weekend though. Lots of people and lots of food since I did the dinner thing twice, once on Saterday and once on Sunday. I tried two new pumpkin pie recipes and they both turned out pretty well, so I'll consider than a success. I'll definitly make the pumpkin custard one again, since that was really yummy.

Got a bunch of school work ahead of me. Two essays due next week, plus a Sociology test and a Critical awareness paper due this week. I'm gonna be a busy, busy girl, but then I knew going in that that was going to be the case. I just have to manage my time wisely, right?

Hung out with Taela last night, which was the first time in a while. It was good. Everytime I'm about to write her off and I think we've changed too much or grown too apart, she comes through for me. I was pretty miserable last night when I called her, but she came over and had me feeling better in no time. Makes me remember that I'm not all alone in the world and that's a nice feeling.

One Month Down

2006-10-01T23:39:00.000-04:00

So September is over and with it my first month of school. So far, so good. I'm making a marked improvement over my previous attempts at accademia. This time I'm actually doing my homework and all my assignments and keeping up with the work. I'm making an honest effort, becaue I really want to suceed.

Is it easy? Of course not. I'm bored and lonely, but I'm trying my best, which is all I can do. It's definitly not easy, but it is worth it. If nothing else, I need to prove to myself that I can do this.

I have seven months to go, scary. In some way that seems so far away, yet I've noticed that the chool part is going very quickly, which is good in a way, but makes it more overwhelming in another. I definitely have to manage my time wisely.

My life, the one outside of school, isn't going anywhere (I hope), but school is right now. It's got to be ny number one priority, but that isn't always easy to remember. The three Fs (not to be confused with Daddy's famous four Fs) of friends, family and fun are still important, but they have to come second to school at least for the next seven months.

So far I've handed in three assignments and done two quizzes. I haven't gotten any of the assignments back, but I got 1.5/2 on one quiz and 2.5/3 on the other and bother are set up to demonstrate the percentage of the final grade (2 and 3% respectively), which means so far I'm only down .5% of my total mark in each of those subjects, though I know the major assignments will have the biggest impact. Still, so far so good, right? After all, the little assignments do add up.

I'm off to a good start and I just have to keep it up. I can do this, I know I can.

Mr. Wrong-For-Me

2006-09-28T00:43:00.000-04:00

This was a post I started back in early July (before Mark) and never finished. I'm finishing it now and adding to it.

I came to a realization about my taste in men. Taela once told me that I was attracted to men who were "bad for me". Not nessarcily bad boys, but guys who weren't good for me in some way or another, whether it was there fault or not.

Talking to a friend a while ago, I realized that in a lot of ways that might have stemmed from my father. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad dearly, but he wasn't always the best influence. Over the years, he caused me a lot of pain, though not all of it on purpose. It was just the way it was. Now, as an adult, I tend to be attracted to men who do the same thing.

They don't mean to hurt me, they aren't bad men, but in the end they do cause me pain in some way. Maybe because it's a long distance thing and that's not good for me, maybe they hurt me in another way, maybe they're not available. It comes down to a bunch of different factors.
Yet, in the end, I always come out of it a bit more scary and damaged.

I don't even have to date them for that to happen. Just being involved or sometimes, just being interested, can occasionally lead me down that road. After all, I've had some less than pretty moments and some severe damage from things that never were. Golf tournament party. No, I seemed to have this great attraction to the wrong man. Not nessecarily Mr. Wrong, but Mr. Wrong-For-Me. Oh, there've been a few of those.

That doesn't bode well for Mark, does it? Yet, so far he's been amazing for me. Yeah, the long distance thing is causing issues, but I feel stronger and better because I have Mark. He brings out good things in me and so far, he hasn't been bad for me. Maybe, the pattern has changed. Maybe the years of therapy are finalyl working their magic. Maybe, I'm finally down with all the Mr. Wrong-For-Me's, maybe I'm done being scary and damaged. It would be nice, wouldn't it?

Questionaire

2006-09-27T23:39:00.000-04:00

Another Questionaire thingy, at least these ones seemed different than all the others I've posted on here.

Q1) When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in then start the water?
I take baths, and I always fill the tub about half-way before I get in. When I do shower, I get in, move out of the way and start the water then get under it when it's hot.
Q2) Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle?
Sometimes.
Q3) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essences commercials?
Never had that happen yet, but anything's possible.
Q4) Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?
No.
Q5) Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings?
Only child.
Q6) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower?
No.
Q7) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?
Yes.
Q8) How old do you look?
Depends. With my short hair I'm told I look younger, about 18. Somedays, depending on what I wear, I look a little older than I am, about 25. So, it really depends on what I'm wearing, how I've done my hair, that sort of things.
Q9) How old do you act?
Young.
Q10) Whats the last song you sang?
"Dear Mr. President" by Pink
Q11) Have you recently become a member of anything?
I'm a student again and I'm checking out joing a soritiy.
Q12) What are your plans for the weekend?
Going home, hanging out.
Q13) Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?
Closed, usually.
Q14) Whats the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice?
Um... She kinda scares me, so...
Q15) Does anything on your body itch right now?
Not at this minute, no.
Q16) Who's the sexiest famous woman alive?
Katherine Heigl.
Q17) Who's the sexiest famous man alive?
George Clooney. Old and still gorgeous.
Q18) Does every family have a crazy uncle?
I think so. Mine certainly does.
Q19) Have you ever smuggled something into America?
No.
Q20) Does playing the guitar make a girl/guy more attractive?
God yes.
Q21) Do you live in a city with a good sports team?
Depending on what you mean by 'good', if you mean winning, not so much. Though, I don't actually live in a city, just close by.
Q22) Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the junk from the bottom of the bag?
Yes.
Q23) Have you ever had sex in a tent?
No.
Q24) What about in a boat?
No.
Q25) Have you ever dated a Goth?
No.
Q26) Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex?
Amazing sex.
Q27) Can you fix your own car?
Um, no. Can sorta change a tire, though.
Q28) Would you want to kill George W Bush yourself if you were Guarunteed to get away with it?
I'm not a killer.
Q29) Should guys wear pink?
Sure. Men can look hot in manly pink.

Feeling Lost

2006-09-27T00:35:00.000-04:00

My net's back up and it's all sorted out, thankfully. No net sucks.

So, school's going fairly well. So far I'm keeping my head afloat. I got an 83% on the first assignment I got back and more importantly 2.5 out of the possible 3% of my final grade. It's only 3%, but it all adds up, right?

I am struggling with a Sociology assignment, but I think I always knew that Psych and Soc were going to be my tough subjects. In comparison, I find Literature and Philosophy pretty easy, though the tend to be the subjects with the toughest work load. I think it's the writer in me or maybe just that I like those subjects, so I do better in them.

Other than that... I don't really feel adjusted to life in Peterborough yet. I'm trying my best, but while school is going okay and I'm making friends and joining activities, I still feel unhappy and lost. I just don't feel like I belong here, but I am making an effort, really I am, since I know I'm here for another seven months...

Besides that, I'm just in a low funk. I've been getting some great writing out of it, but it's leaving me feeling kind of lost and alone, which I know isn't true. But I just, I get in those moods and it's hard to get out of them. Being here, away from everything, isn't helping and neither is the stress of school and everything else.

I feel cut off from my friends, which is silly I know, but I guess I just fear that by the end of this year I'm not going to have my friends. That the distance and me being me is going to drive them away. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I can't help it. I have ridiculous thoughts, it part of who I am.

Then there's the fact that long distance relationships are hard. I hate only having short, infrequent visits and short talks at night via Skype. But I knew going into it would be hard and I'm trying hard not to get wrapped up in it. I can't let it distract me from school and really it's not, it's because I'm already distracted and unhappy that I'm focusing on this as the reason. The truth is, I'm 99% certain I'd be feeling this way without Mark in the picture, it just doesn't make it easier. But, on the other hand, I'm so glad he's in the picture and he makes most things better, I just miss him.

Still, I'll pull myself out of it and I'll make a go of this year. At least, I'm off to a good start. I'm doing okay academically, I'm staying ahead of the work, I'm making friends and I'm joining things. I'll start to feel a little less alienated and more at home here in Peterborough, I'm sure. I have to, right?

From Toronto....

2006-09-24T02:08:00.000-04:00

So, the internet at my place isn't working too well. The router, the PC, and the Mac just aren't getting along. Why can't they just learn to talk about their problems and all live in harmony? Seriously, we're working on, but until then, it's the labs and other people's computers for Michelle.

So far, so good with school. Lots of homework and I'm pretty busy, but so far I'm doing well with the time management thing and keeping my head afloat. I'll have to work hard, but I've known that all along. I'm just going to have to concentrate, and that's not always so easy.

I'm in Toronto right now. Stayed at Tara's last night and I'm at Meg's tonight, not sure I've been the best guest, but what can you do? Tomorrow, we were thinking of doing "Word on the Street" before I head back.

Balance

2006-09-18T20:23:00.000-04:00

So, operation get a life is in swing. I went to the gym today and took in an AquaFit class. Definitly not my thing, though I'm still holding out hope for the AquaYoga. That'll at least be relaxing and I need to relax. I also went for a swim after my class, which was nice.

Tomorrow, the sorority I'm considering joining has it's first meeting. It'll be interesting at least to check it out and see what it's about. It might be my thing, or, it might be the exact opposite of what I'm looking for. I want to make friends and get involved in something. Everyhing I didn't do at Loyalist.

Lots of homework, but so far I'm keeping on top of it. Tonight I have every attention of doing something I haven't in quite awhile: watch TV. Studio 60 on the Sunset Stip airs tonight and it's the only new show that really interests me. I love Bradley Whitford adn Matthew Perry and Aaron Sorkin is a genius, so I have high hopes for this show. Besides, the ads make it look good.

Other than that, not a lot going on. Trying to balance and it all and find a combination that leaves me both productive and happy. It's not always that easy to find.

Emotional

2006-09-17T21:23:00.000-04:00

Two weeks into school. So far, so good. I've been doing my readings and trying to keep up with my homework which is a huge improvement from my behaviour both in high school and when I was at Loyalist. I've also already started working on my first assignment.

I'm settleing into a good grove here, though I find that I'm more emotional than usual. I find myself crying more than normal and getting upset over little things, but also getting emotional in a good way (or at least a non-traumatic way). I'm crying at the drop of a hat these days, sad tears, angry tears, sentimental tears, you name it and they're flowing.

I think a lot of it is that I've been facing a lot of changes in my life the last fews month. Both with school and personally and I've been under a lot of stress. Probably doesn't make me the easiest person to put up with and I guess I should be grateful that none of my nearest and dearest have run screaming in the opposite direction yet.

I figure that once I get into the grove of school and things settle down a bit, I'll start feeling better. I really do think its a case of too much happening at once and not sure how to handle it and it's either cry or scream and well, I think crying is healthier. Also, probably less likely to drive people away.

I have so much to be happy about. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends and a fantastic boyfriend. I'm working towards fulfilling my goals and I'm getting closer. All the pieces in my life are sliding into place, so why do I feel so close to tears so much of the time? It makes no sense to me at all. Maybe, I'm just not used to being happy and I can't handle it... That would make a certain twisted kind of sense, at least if you knew me. I do like to make things complicated for myself.

Skype and A Life in Peterborough

2006-09-12T18:28:00.000-04:00

Thanks to messenger, Skype, and webcams I might survive this next year (and not be in more debt than expected). Those three things allow me to communicate with my friends and family, without racking up the world's largest phone bill.

I am not going to be able to make it through a year without communicating with my loved ones, but this way I can do it fairly cheaply. Thank God. MSN, Yahoo, and Skype are going to be three of my best friends, I just know it.

I've made a vow that I'm going to go out and do stuff this year. I did a lot of things badly at Loyalist and I'm going to try and fix that. I'm going to try and get involved, join stuff, and just generally have a life in Peterborough and not just focus on the life that I have in Castleton and the one waiting for me in Toronto. After all I'm here for a year, I should make the most of it.

So I made a few inquiries about volunteering and I've taken note of a few clubs and such that look interesting and will at least check them out. I'm also thinking about aqua yoga, since I think that sounds neat, plus I could use some sort of fitness regime. So, on paper it sounds good, now lets just see if I can actually stick to it.

School, A Good Weekend and the Anniversary of 9/11

2006-09-11T13:27:00.000-04:00

So the first week of school is over. I've gone to all my classes (well except Philosophy--that's tomorrow), met all my teachers and bought most of my books. I'm on my way to being an actual student. Lots of homework, which I'm actually doing, an improvement over my previous scholastic efforts.

Went to Toronto this past weekend. Had a pretty good time. It was Mark's niece's birthday on Saterday and we went to her party, which was fun. I enjoy spending time with Mark's family and the kids are all really, really cute.

Sunday, we went to the movies and saw Invincible, which was really good. I love sports movies, especially inspirational ones. Then we had lunch and went shopping. All in all it was a pretty good day, we just enjoyed each other's company. It was nice. I hated having to say goodbye. Why can't the weekends last forever?

Today's September 11th. It's been five years since the attack on the World Trade Center, so of course it's in the news. Five years. It's one of those days you don't forget. I can still tell exactly where I was and what I was doing when I heard the news. Can still remember it all in vivid detail and I'm sure it's like that for most people.

That Time of Year Again

2006-09-04T19:00:00.000-04:00

So, I'm all moved into my place in Peterborough. Class starts tomorrow. Wow. Where did the summer go? It seemed like just yesterday it was Canada Day weekend...

My last weekend of freedom was a good one. Went to Toronto for Phil's toga party. Which was definitly fun, even if I didn't actually wear a toga for a whole night. Turns out Toga's aren't designed very well and aren't particularly practical.

It was good to see people and I always love socializing with my friends. Pizza and wings, plus booze. So that was good too. Plus there was Toga twister which is always fun.

Sunday, Mark and I went to the Ex. It was nice, except I ended up not feeling so we left after a few hours. He won me a bear though, which was very sweet. She came with me to Peterborough and is now resting on my bed.

He came down with me last night to help me move tonight, which was nice. He got a chance to meet Taela and my grandfather. Actually, this was the weekend for meeting family, I ended up meeting his parents as well this weekend and they're very nice people. So, all in all, it was a pretty successful weekend.

Now, I just have to get myself back in the school mode of things...

End of Summer

2006-08-30T10:35:00.000-04:00

Less than a week until school starts again. My summer is coming to an end. Only Phil's birthday and our annual visit to the Ex remain of my summer vacation and then it's back to school and back to the real world.

It's been an amazing summer, though it didn't exactly go as planned. Amongst other things, I never planned on getting a boyfriend this summer, but well... Best laid plans and all that. Oh, well, it's not something I'd change.

I've spent the last day or so packing stuff up and getting back in a frame of mind for school. I still have stuff to buy and lots to organize. That's what I get for putting it off until now, I guess.

I got my schedule yesterday and it sucks. 8:00 a.m classes on Monday, Thursday and Friday. On Monday I have classes pretty much from 8:00 a.m until 3:00 p.m with breaks between 9 and 10 a.m and 1 and 2 p.m. On Thursday I have class from 8:00 a.m until 2:00 p.m with a breka between noon and 1. Friday I have class from 8:00 a.m until 3:00 p.m with a break between 10 a.m and noon.

Luckily for me, Tuesdays and Wedsndays are light days, one class each, both beginning at 11 a.m. I just wish a light day would fall at either end of the week, you know so I could actually do stuff on my light days.

Oh, well, nothing I can do about it. It's only for a few months, right? Right now, it just seems overwhelming, but that's probably because the whole school thing still feels that way. Why does summer have to end?

Tales of a Civ Addict

2006-08-24T23:22:00.000-04:00

Stayed at my Aunt Carla's last night, which was nice, it gave me a chance to get in a little bit of a visit, plus I got to play Civilization III. For those who don't know, the Civilization games are the only computer games I've ever been truly addicted to (though I am quite fond of Zoombinis) and it was my Aunt Carla who introduced me to the orginal Civilization several years ago and then later, she got me hooked on Civilaztion II.

Yes, I'm totally a closet-case nerd. There are many dorky things I'm quite fond of. I just don't usually admit it. Of course, my choice in friends should make it at least a little bit evident that I'm kinda geeky.

Let's see, other than that, today was the first day of the Kelley Armstrong board (of which I am a member of the online writer's group) Toronto meet. Today, there were only a few people, as the main event as on Saterday, but it was still nice to meet people face to face. Though, I actually skipped the excursion to Niagara, because I just wasn't feeling up to it.

Promises to be a busy weekend I'm sure, but that's always good...

Not A Lot Happening

2006-08-22T12:48:00.000-04:00

I'm in Toronto until the 29th (the morning) and right now I'm just relaxing and hanging out. Not being overly productive, but that's fine too. As of Wednsday/Thursday, I'll actually have stuff to do so I'll be productive then.

School starts in a few weeks. I'm very apprehensive about the idea. The closer it gets, the more freaked out I get. I assume it's natural, because for all attempts and purposes I've been out of school for three years.

Other than worried over being a student again, my life is working amazingly well. All the pieces seem to be fitting into place and the result is a happy, functional Michele. Yeah, I know the very thought is scary, but...

Right now, life is good. Yay!

Been Busy

2006-08-20T08:55:00.000-04:00

I haven't updated in a while, mainly because I haven't had time. That's always the case, when I have stuff worth writing about, I can't find the time to actually write about it.

Let's see, been in Toronto a lot lately. Which is nice. Went to Beerfest last with Mark, Tara and Lucas which was interesting. Raspberry beer is yummy.

Went to the Mod Club with Phil, Meg and Mark last night which was also fun. Been a while since I went out to a club and while it's not something I want to do all the time, I enjoyed it. Of course, the company was great too...

Today's Chris' going away party, so there's still more stuff to do this weekend. I'm glad for his sake he's leaving, but I am going to miss him.

So, as I said, lots going on. Also, school starts in like 2 weeks, which is odd... I'm kinda apprehensive about the idea of being a student again, for all that I think I'm ready to go back. It's just gonna be diffrent, ya know?

Pictures From Up North

2006-08-09T02:11:00.000-04:00

So, I put up a few of my pictures from my trip North up at my photo blog. I put them up in reverse order, so as you scroll down the page, you get them in chronological order (which only matters for the last two). I only put a few up, but I thought some of you might like to see them, I think they're good pictures...

Summer

2006-08-09T01:15:00.000-04:00

So, the August long weeked is over and that means summer's more than half done. Damn it, this summer seems to have just flown by. Wasn't it May 2-4 yesterday? I swear I blinked and I missed most of the summer...

That said, it's been an awesome summer. Not exactly the summer I planned, but great all the same... Lots of time with friends. Lots of parties. Lots of fun. Michelle's summer of freedom before going to school has been well spent so far.

So only a few weeks left and so much to pack into them... Come on, time slow down just a little bit please (well speed up until Friday and then slow down)...

Bizarre Conversation

2006-08-06T00:49:00.000-04:00

So Mom and I had a bizarre conversation tonight. It just proved once again, that she and I are on totally different pages when it comes to most things. I have come to the conclusion that I will probably never understand her or her motives, but I guess I can live with that.

Besides, while I don't think I'll ever understand her, I think I have some clue as to how her brain works and how I can use it my own advantage... Or least use it to be able to deal with her better, because sometimes that's a challenge.

Still, that didn't make the conversation any less bizarre. After all who would have thought that Tara being a lesbian could end up making my life easier? It's very odd.

Stuff

2006-08-04T21:31:00.000-04:00

So tired. Slept a lot of the day and still tired. I've been feeling rundown lately, not good.

Got back from Toronto. Went with Ben, since he was going. He, Phil and Mark played Warhammer. Meg and I shopped. Then, Ben, Phil, Mark and I played Settlers of Catan, which was fun.

Other than that, not a lot going on. I had to skip Tyler's b-day party because I wasn't feeling well. Sorry. Tomorrow, Jim and Anne are having a BBQ, so that'll be fun.

Going back to bed now.

Birthday Aftermath

2006-08-01T17:41:00.000-04:00

So my birthday party went really well. The Evening of Murder was fun (not quite what I had expected, but definitly fun) and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. There was a lot of drinking (of course) and just general hanging out. Always good.

The clean up on Sunday sucked, but that was to be expected. Besides, at least I had the foresight to use the empty half of the house, so it wasn't as bad as it could be. Also, I only do this a few times a year, so what the Hell, right?

Mom and I did the present thing yesterday. She spoiled me. Actaully, I did pretty good on that front--I'm a very lucky girl and not just materially. I am always amazed by how lucky I am to have the wonderful friends and family that I do. I love you all and not just when you buy me things. I am in awe of the love and support that you guys give me whenever I need it.

So July is over. Only one month left of summer. Wow, that kinda sucks. It seems to have all gone by so fast. One month and I'll be a student again. Wow. Am I ready? I certainly hope so...

23

2006-07-26T23:52:00.000-04:00

So today is my 23rd birthday.

Had a pretty low-key day. Went to see my grandpa and then talked on the phone with Taela for about two hours. It was nice, just like old times. We're going out on Friday to celebrate my birthday, since she can't make my party.

Most of my celebrations will be on Saterday, since that's when I'm having my party. An Evening of Murder thing, which I think will be a lot of fun. I wanted to do something a little different this year. After all we can sit around and drink lots of times, I just thought we should do something different, besides there will be time for sitting around and drinking after the game.

Mom and I went to Kelseys for dinner which was nice. The food was good and it was nice spending the time with my mom. It's not something we do very often.

So all in all, I had a pretty good day and my celebrating isn't over since I'll be doing so on both Friday and Saterday... Yay! More birthday fun for Michelle!

Most Annoying and Endearing Things About Michelle

2006-07-24T19:21:00.000-04:00

So, for the last little while I've been asking everyone I know to tell me my most endearing and most annoying personality traits. Honestly, I've just been curious as to what it is that people like about me and what I do to annoy them. I was a little surprised that it all seemed to come down to two things, though phrased in different ways.

Most annoying trait was that I talk too much. As I said, different people put it different ways. Some commented on my tendancy to talk just for the sake of talking, others about the volume or the fact that I tend to repeat myself. But it all comes down to the same thing, I do talk too much. I know that, my friends know that, Hell I think people who've never even met me know that. Still, it is something I should probably work on.

The problem is, I don't like silence. I just don't know how to cope with it, I never have. So, I talk. Especielly when I'm nervous, then I tend to babble. I just need to figure out how to be more comfortable with silence I guess.

The most endearing trait in the (probably somewhat biased) opinion of my friends is that I'm a nice person. Again, it was phrased different ways. I was praised for being non-judgmental, sweet-natured, optimistic and honestly interested in other people. I guess, that's a pretty good thing, that people seem to think I'm a nice person.

See, the odd thing is, that while I definitly agree that I talk too much, I've never seen myself as all that nice. I can be bitchy and gossip, as well as a spoiled brat. I do like people, especially children, and I'd do anything for my friends, but at the end of the day sometimes I'm still not sure how nice I am. Though, I guess I'm glad that other people see me as nice.

I asked the question of myself and came up with different answers than my friends. The quality I hate most about myself? The fact that I worry too much. I obsess about every little thing and I don't know how to stop it. I analyze things over and over in my head and go over them until I'm about to drive myself insane. I affects how I deal with people and usually leaves me feeling pretty miserable inside. That's definitly the first thing I'd change about myself, though I agree I do talk too much.

What do I like best about myself? That's a hard one for me to answer. I spend a lot more time focusing on the negative than the positive, which I think is perfectly normal. Maybe the fact that I can keep a level head in a crisis. Oh, I'll freak out over minor things all right, but when it comes down to the major things I am able to handle it and then freak out. Or at least, so expereience has shown so far.

I Hate Surprises

2006-07-18T21:23:00.000-04:00

People have asked me why I hate surpises so much and given me a hard time about the fact that I react negativitly when people keep things from me, even when I know they want it to be a surprise.

I need my information up front. I need time to process things and I hate being the last to be told anything. A lot of it goes back to the fact that my parents often kept things from me "for my own protection" and I always found out by accident and was totally unprepared. So when that happens now, even if it's good news, I automatically freak out.

When I was 13, my cousin Menya was diagnosed with breast cancer. My parents (mainly my mother) decided I didn't need to know and decided to keep the news from me. I admit, I was young--but old enough to know that they were keeping something, so it only made me suspicious. Then, I overheard part of a telephone conversation and part of a conversation between my father and aunt, it was then that I demanded to know what was going on.

I was naturally devastated and the idea that they had kept it from me and weren't going to tell me until they absoloutly had to bothered me. I felt (and I still believe) that I had the right as a member of the family to know what was going on.

My mother did this to me many, many times over the years, keeping things from me because she thought it was best. I know this isn't the same as a friend wanting to surpirse me, but I hate being caught off guard.

On the flip side, I like anticipation. If there's a party coming or something like Christmas, then I love the waiting. In fact, I think that's the best part. I don't like opening my presents early (I always want to, but it does take some of the thrill off). I think the difference is that even if I don't know what my present is, I know it's there.

Yet, even the good surprises, when they're truly a surprise and I don't know they're coming, throw me completly off guard and upset me. I just don't like having things thrown at me out of left field, good or bad, and I hate the idea that people were keeping something from me, whether its good news or bad.

Maybe, it's weird, but well, I can't help it. I'm weird, live with it. And if you value your life don't ever throw me a surprise party, because I can guarantee a negative reaction. I would be likely to scream or throw up or freak out. So, just don't do it.

Michelle's Northern Adventures, Day Four

2006-07-17T22:50:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back. I went North and I made it back in one piece, more or less. I'm actually kinda missing my voice, since I seem to have come down with a mild case of laryngitis and I keep losing my voice. Not fun.

Last night, we stayed in Larder Lake with Andrew's (my cousin's husaband) aunt and uncle. I ended up sitting up and talking with his cousin for about two hours, even though my voice was already starting to go. We're close in age and we had a lot in common, so that was nice.

This morning we had breakfast there, really yummy blueberry pancakes, and then headed out. We managed to get ahead of the huge storm that brewing, which was good because a small tornado hit Larder Lake after we left. Luckily, we were gone by then, because that would not have been fun.

The drive was long, we stopped for lunch and then at a park later, so that the kids could run off some energy, but it was still a draining experience. Which might be why I slept for a good part of it. What can I say, I'm like a big kid.

My only complaint is that I went North and I didn't see a moose. I got a stuffed moose and I saw moose warning signs and a few pictures of mooses, but no moose. Sigh.

We're home now, or rather back in Brantford, and in a few days (Friday), I'll be home home. Which'll be nice, since I'll have been gone almost three weeks by then. Still, for all that it was a really long drive, it was definitly worth it.

Even if I didn't get to see a moose. Oh, well, I guess I'll just have to do it again sometime, hmm?

Michelle's Northern Adventures, Day Two and Three

2006-07-16T20:48:00.000-04:00

So, I didn't have access to a computer yesterday, so no update. Instead, I'll write about both yesterday and today.

Yesterday, we left Larder Lake for Timmins and the wedding. We stopped for a few pictures, such as the "From this Point on All Water Flows North" sign and the "Welcome to South Porcupine" sign. I just thought those were worth documenting.

We arrived in Timmins about noon, time to check into the hotel and get ready for the wedding. I wore a dress, well a long skirt and matching top. Very elegant. The wedding was nice, as far as weddings go. It was really hot in the church, though, which makes me think if I ever get married it won't be in July.

After the wedding, we went back to the hotel and the others went swimming while I took a quick nap, then it was time for the reception. Whihc was a lot of fun. The food was good, Chinese, and Andrew's family was very warm and welcoming, not making me feel at all like an outsider. Which was nice.

At about ten, I headed back to the hotel and watched over the boys, who were already asleep, and basically just mellowed out, which was nice.

Today we checked out of the hotel and then we spent the afternoon visiting Andrew's relatives, who were again made me feel welcome. Very, very nice people. Then, we drove back to Larder Lake, where we'll stay tonight before heading back to Brantford tomorrow. It's been an interesting journey so far.

Michelle's Northern Adventures, Day One

2006-07-14T20:39:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this from a laptop in Larder Lake, which is two hours South of Timmins, which is tomorrow's destination. So far my trip up North is off to a pretty good start.

Day One of Michelle's trip North, actually started last night when we got on the road at about 11:00 and drove to Barry, where we pulled off and stayed the night in a motel. Two grown women and a three year old in a double bed. Not a lot of fun. But it was certainly an experience.

This morning we took off from Barry on our journey North. Most of the day was spent in the car. Northern Ontario is a lot greener and a lot less developed than what I'm used to, but very, very pretty. My cousin and her husband kept pointing out noteworthy sites to me and promised that on the way back we'd stop so I could get pictures.

In Temagani we stopped for special Temagani ginger ale, which I had been assured by Andrew, was the best in the world. I'm not much of a ginger ale fan, but it was awesome, and the cream soda was even better. Too bad you can only get it up North.

Erica also gave me my birthday present, a stuffed moose which I promptly named Morris. This is because I headed North with a detirmination to see a moose, this way no matter waht happens, I won't be disapointed. Morris is very cute, but I still want to see a real moose.

We arrived in Larder Lake around 4:30 and were greeted by Andrew's relatives and a little while later, we sat down to a wonderful supper. Then, we went out on the pontoon boat, which was awesome. The lake was gorgeous and I took lots of picture, both of the lake and of the boys, who were super cute. I even got to drive the oat for a few minutes, which was slightly terrifying.

Now, we're in for the night and I'm taking the time to update my trip diary. I'll try to do so for every day of my trip. However, while I will have limited internet access and will be trying to update my blog and check my e-mail every day, but I won't have any access to MSN, so if you need to get a hold of me or just want to say hi, send me an e-mail, since that will be the only way to get a hold of me.

More tomorrow and maybe I'll get to see a moose...

Good Look At Myself

2006-07-08T00:07:00.000-04:00

I got upset over something today (it doesn't matter what) and then realized, that I was guilty of doing the exact same thing to other people. It was sort of a wake up call. I'm not always a very nice person.

So, my vow is to try and be a better person and a better friend. Sometimes I'm petty, shallow and perhaps even mean. I can also be a gossip. At least, I'm honest about it, right? Still, that doesn't make any better and I'm going to try and change.

Maybe that's the cause of my current unhappiness. Maybe it's rooted in an unhappiness with myself, not in those around me. Maybe my problem is that I don't always like what I see in the mirror and no, I'm not talking about my physical appearance.

So, I'm going to work on being someone I can like better. Maybe that'll help the unhappiness go away. It can't hurt, right?

Fragile

2006-07-06T02:26:00.000-04:00

Normally, I would consider myself a fairly strong person, but lately I've been feeling weak. Not in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense. I just don't feel like I can cope sometimes, which is odd because my life isn't anymore stressful now than normal, not that that's saying a lot.

I don't know, I just can't find the strength to fight, nor do I really want to, since I'm not fond of confrontation. Besides, I'm just taking it all into myself and obsessing over it and finding myself getting more and more fragile. It's like I'm about to break any minute and that's not a good feeling.

That feeling of vulnerability and of lonliness isn't a good one for me, as usually it means I do stupid things in my need to feel whole again. I just need the comfort, the reassurance that I'm not alone and I guess I seek to feel part of something.

Luckily for me, I have great friends and a wonderful family. I have been people who I can tell I need to escape and they give me a place to run too. That's a good feeling, to know that there are people who will help pick up the pieces if you crumble.

Still, as much as I'm glad for the support, I wish I didn't need it. This didn't use to be me. I never used to have to lean on people so hard, never used to feel so fragile, so easily broken. What's happening to me?

Clothes

2006-06-27T00:55:00.000-04:00

So, Mom and I went shopping today and I got some new clothes and a new pair of shoes. Yay! Of course, the downside is that new clothes meant that it was time to go through my closet and through things out.

I hate throwing things out. Hate it. It took me a while, but I made a fair dent. Things that had rips or stains or that I hadn't worn in a long time and probably wouldn't wear again, all went in the garbage.

I actually saw that by sorting out all my clothes, that there was actually stuff that I really do need to buy still. In an odd reverse from the last few years, I have plenty of jeans and almost no dress pants. Though, weirdly enough, I have plenty of skirts. But I do need dress pants. So, that goes on the list.

Weekend Report

2006-06-25T21:46:00.000-04:00

So, I'm back from Toronto. It was a fantastic weekend. Lots of fun.

Tara's b-day party was a blast. Though, I now know that prepacked Long Island Tea mix is very potent. I only had like three of them and I was wasted. But, it was fun. At least I didn't throw up.

Went with Meg, Phil and Chuck to the gay pride parade. Too hot, too many people, I'm not crazy about crowds and well, I now have a sunburn, so... Still, I'm glad I can say I went and I apologize to Meg and Phil (Chuck as well), for being whiny because I was cranky. Sorry.

Went home and got a surprise visit from my cousin Jen who lives in Michigan. Turns out she was staying overnight at my grandfather's, so I got a chance to see her and catch up and that was nice.

Can't think of anything else to say right now. Tired.

It's A Small World

2006-06-22T21:29:00.000-04:00

It is a very, very small world. Got an e-mail from a friend today, passing on a message from a friend of hers who thought I looked familiar and it turned out to be Chris, the guy I met at Ad-Astra, how odd is that?

Sometimes, the world seems like a big, scary place and other times, you realize just how small it really is. Someone you've met in one place can turn out to know someone you know from somewhere else entirely, it's all very odd.

Anyway, I'm still kind of stunned by how small the world really is. It was just very startling to open that e-mail. Wow.

Off, to Toronto tomorrow to hang out with Meg and then Tara's b-day party is on Saterday, which will be fun. Update when I get back.

Weekend Update

2006-06-19T23:59:00.000-04:00

Edmonton lost. Damnit. I was really rooting for them, especially since they played amazing in the last two games. Damn! Thirteen years since Canada's won a cup, the last time was the first Stanley Cup Final that I really remember clearly, Montreal vs. LA in 1993. Way too long.

Still it was a good series and I enjoyed it. Fast paced, lots of scoring, yet great goaltending. A serious improvement over the game as it was the last few years before the lock-out. In fact the whole season and the entirity of the play-offs were really good. At least, more interesting.

So, busy weekend. Got a lot of errands done, which is good. In fact, it was a strangley productive weekend. We got most of the things on our to-do list done. Yay.

It was Father's Day weekend, which was okay. A little sad, but it's never not going to be. That's just a fact. We went to the cemetary and left flowers and a balloon, then we went for dinner at my grandfather's, which was nice. Taela and I sat around and drank Margeritas and Pina Coladas and talked the night before and she gave me a present, a cool Jimi Hendrex shirt, so that was neat.

All in all, I had a good weekend.

Housing Choice

2006-06-17T00:05:00.000-04:00

I checked out three different apartments today, all of which were for next September. The first place was nice, but it wasn't what I was looking for and it just didn't compare to the other two. However, now I have a dilemna.

I honestly loved both places, but for totally different reasons. One represent freedom, everything I don't have at home. I could have the whole experience there. The other place, was very homey and comfortable.

One place was further from school, but closer to the downtown. It also had very few rules and a hot landlord. He's a firefighter too, and about my age. Tempting. But probably not conductive to the kind of studying I'll need to do. Still, it might be fun and really is a nice apartment.

The other place is rented out by a very sweet older couple. It has a lot of rules and restrictions, but they also seem prepared to dote on a tenant and I really liked them. Also, it's within walking distance of campus, so... I'm just afraid, that it'll be a little too restricting, just like living at home, but it would probably be the better enviroment to get serious studying done.

This is it. My last chance. Another strike and I'm out, or at least that's what it feels like. I've screwed up a lot and Hell, even I wonder if I have what it takes, but I'm giving it a shot. I'm serious this time and I'm going to do what it takes. Which is why I've given up men and relationships and all things connected until next year. That said, it seems obvious which house I should pick, but...

Freedom. It's a tempting idea, especaially since I've never really enjoyed it. I guess, it's hard to overcome my own self-destructive tendancies. I know what's best for me, but...

Of course, this is all assuming that either place wants me. Hopefully they will, since I promised to let them both know by Monday.

Illusions

2006-06-01T01:02:00.000-04:00

I guess one of the last relics of childhood is illusion and ideal. Truly becoming an adult means letting go of those things and accepting the truth for what it is. Accepting that our parents are only human and that they're flawed like everyone else, that there is no such thing as perfect in the world.

We want to believe, as children, that our parents' are perfect. Their love, their marriage, their personalities. We don't want to see the flaws, we just want to see the perfect picture. The fairytale image.

As adults, we come to realize that our parents are just like us. We are not perfect, so why should we expect them to me. Still, each time we learn of some new flaw or imperfection, it's like a mortal blow. We want them to be perfect, we want their to be no blemishes on their history, but of course that can't happen.

Marriages are complicated, people are complicated. We all have our sins and our vices. We've all made mistakes and have regrets. Beings parents does not change that, doesn't make you infallible, but sometimes as the child it's a little hard to see.

The moment of truth, when you can no longer deny that your parents are only human, is like crashing down to Earth, it's that last curtain of childhood pulled away and leaving only the big bad world.

May 24th Weekend

2006-05-23T00:16:00.000-04:00

So, May 2-4 is over. It was fun. Exhausting, but fun.

Friday Taela and I celebrated her birthday. We had pizza, drank and just laughed and were silly together which is always fun.

Saterday I went up to Toronto to hang with Meg. She, Phil, Mark and I all hung out on Saterday. Went shopping, spent $38 and got 2 pairs of jeans and 3 t-shirts (including an Ozzy Osborne one), which I definitly consider a good deal. After that, we went back to Meg and Phil's and then just drank and hung out and then went to the park for a little while. Definitly fun.

Sunday we all went to Chris'. It was fun, a little low-key and damp, but definitly fun. Hung out, drank a little, blew up some fireworks, that sort of thing. There was a fire, but the rain was a definite hinderance. Also, I was cold and it was wet, so I went inside and watched Desperate Housewives, eventually everyone else followed. Then, we played this cool game of Chris', which was a lot of fun, even if I did get my ass-kicked.

Today I came home and just sort of vegged, which was definitly needed. Also, Mom was starting to feel a little neglected since weekends are when we usually spend time together, so I spent some time with her.

All in all, it was a pretty good long weeknd. Not a great one, since I didn't feel all that hot all weekend, had a bit of a headache, also Saterday got off to a rough start because I learnt my neighbour died. He was in his 80s and he had cancer, but the news still hit me hard. Still, other than that, it was a good weekend.

Can't think of anything else new. Will update again when something interesting happens. May be a while.

Decision Made

2006-05-10T13:13:00.000-04:00

So I made my decision about college. I chose Sir Sanford Fleming. Now, before anyone jumps on me, it was my decision. In the end, I made it without telling anyone. Yes, it was what my mother wanted, but she would have been just as happy with Brantford.

Honestly, there was no decision I could make that could please everyone, so I decided not to try and please anyone, but just do what was best for me, Michelle.

I sat down and I thought about what was best for me and that was Fleming. Baby steps. I’m not living at home, but I’m close enough to visit fairly often. I need that, because whatever problems I have with my mother, we are close and I know I’d need to see her a fair bit.

I know I had some of the same reasons for choosing Loyalist and I was miserable, but it’s not the same. I’m in a different mental place and a lot of what happened at Loyalist, well it was outside stuff that I just allowed to take over. Also, for all that I was close to home, I still had no friends there with me, didn’t really have anyone close by who I could lean on--which I might need.

However, Taela’s sisters will be in Peterborough, even if she might not be, I have family there, I know it really well and I feel comfortable there. It’s a good place to go for a year, to get myself back on my feet. This year is going to be a huge test for me and I guess I just think Fleming is the best environment for that. Also, it’s a good program with a curriculum I like. It’s only one year which I find is a plus. It just felt right.

I put a lot of thought into this, telling myself not to choose Fleming, because I assumed I’d be doing it for the wrong reasons. But, I kept drifting back there, it kept popping into my mind and eventually I realized that it was what I wanted.

9 Lists...

2006-05-05T18:14:00.000-04:00

9 Lasts:
-last place you were: downstairs
-last soda: Pepsi.
-last beverage: Pepsi.
-last kiss: April.
-last movie seen: Theatre? Chronicles of Narnia. General? Walk the Line.
-last cd played: Who's Next.
-last bubble bath: A few months, at least.
-last time you cried: Last night. Just got mopey.

8 Have You Evers:
-have you ever dated someone twice: Like two dates? Or broken up and then gotten back together later? Because the answer to both is yes.
-have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: Yes, as soon as the Vodka wore off...
-have you ever fallen in love: No.
-have you ever been depressed: Yes.
-have you ever been arrested: No.
-have you ever ate so much you've throw up? Yes!
-have you ever hit another person: Yes.
-have you ever cheated on a partner: No.

7 Place You Want to Go:
- London
- Paris
- Rome
- Boston
- New York City
- P.E.I
- Sydney

6 Things You've Done Today:
- Woke up
- Had lunch
- Went to a school concert thingy
- Went for a Walk
- Checked my e-mail
- Talked on the Phone

5 Favorite Things to Do:
- Reading
- Writing
- Listening to music
- Being with my friends
- Sleeping

4 Favorite Colors:
- Pink
- Blue
- Black
- White

3 People You Can Tell Anything:
- Meg
- Taela
- Tara

2 Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
- Have children.
- Write a novel.

1 Thing You Regret: No regrets, each experiences teaches you something.

Word Associations

2006-05-04T23:29:00.000-04:00

First reaction questionaire
Type your FIRST REACTION when you hear these 35 words (don't spend time thinking - just your gut reaction please):

1. I need a cigarette: Not right now.
2. Sex: Is good.
3. Relationships: Don't last.
4. Your Last Ex: Ugh.
5. Power: Corrupts.
6. Marijuana: Always good.
7. Crack: Never good.
8. Food: Pizza.
9. This President: Dumbass.
10. War: Death.
11. Cars: Nessecity of life.
12. Gas Prices: Insane.
13. Halloween: Costumes.
14. Bon Jovi: Livin' On A Prayer.
15. Religion: Is personal.
16. MySpace: Fun.
17. Worst Fear: Losing someone I love.
18. Marriage: Forever.
19. Fashion: Clothes.
20. Brunettes: Dark hair.
21. Redheads: Freckles.
22: Work: No thanks.
23: Pass the time: Writing.
24: Football: Sundays.
25: One night Stands: Not for me, thanks.
26: Pet Peeve: Nothing.
27: Pixie Stix: Yummy!
28: Vanilla Ice: Ice, Ice Baby.
29: Porta Potties: Ewww.
30: High school: I'm glad it's over.
31: Pajamas: Comfy.
32. Wood: Fire.
33. Surfers: I wanna learn...
34. Picture: Memories.
35. First Love: Never dies.

There, 35 word associations for me.

Fear and Doubt

2006-05-04T14:03:00.000-04:00

I have eleven days until my decision about what school I'm going to next year has to be made. I've been pondering it for weeks, honestly torn over what choice is the right one, which school is going to serve me best.

See, I have this feeling that this is do or die for me, if I don't suceed this time, then I never will. Just like I feel it's now or never, if I don't go now then I never will. That's a very frightening thought and it's weighing heavily on me.

After all, I've failed out once and last two weeks another time. I want to say it was because that it wasn't right for me then, but it's more than that. Part of it was me, I wasn't ready, I screwed up. Now I have to be ready, I have to give in a 100%.

I'm in a different place than I was four years ago. I was nineteen, fresh out of high school, and completely unready for life afterwards. I was spoiled, undiscplined, caught up in my own life, and unprepared. I'd never held a steady job and I'd gotten through high school on brains, not work ethic.

I know I'm more mature, I know I've changed in a lot of ways. Life has a way of doing that, after all. I've grown up a lot, I've held jobs, learnt a lot about myself, but... What if I still can't cut it? What if in the end, I'm destined to be a failure?

I know that's a horrible attitude to have, but in the back of my mind that thought's always there. It was made worse by comments that were made to me, but it was there before that and what if that person was speaking the truth? After all, what do I have to show for my life thus far? I'm unemployed, haven't had a relationship last more than a few months, and I live at home with my mother. There's a sucess story for you.

I still have no clue which school I'll choose and I'm terried that whatever decision I make, it'll be the wrong one, that I'll screw up again, because that's what I'm good at.

Oh, this is a depressing entry, it's what happens when I let my fears and doubts talk...

College Considerations

2006-05-01T01:50:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to make that difficult decision about which school to go to. The final decision has to be made by May 15th and in theory this a decision that's going to influence my entire life. So, it's not one that can be made lightly.

Now, there's the added bonus that everyone in my life has an opinion about it. Not in a bad way, but my friends and my family, they all have suggestions and such, which makes sense since they do care about me. Part of me just wishes that this was a subject no one else cared about.

I've narrowed my decision down from five schools to three. It's down to Mohawk, Sir Sanford Fleming and Senecca. However, that's where it gets difficult, all the schools have their pros and cons.

So, I've thought I'd go through the factors, one by one, maybe see if I can come up with a good basis for a decision.

Location: Each as their own advantage when it comes to location. Senecca's in Toronto, near all my friends. Fleming is close to home. Mohawk is near my cousin. Personal preference is with Toronto, but there are other factors to consider.

Cost: The tuition price is the same pretty much, but living costs would obviously be highest in Toronto. Also, there's the factor that in Toronto, I'd be in a more uncertain situation about finding an apartment/roomate.

Curriculum: The big factor and the one that it'll probably come down to, in all honesty. After all, what I study is pretty important.

Mohawk:
Semester One:
Success Strategies
Grammar & Communications
Society, Technology & Social Issues
Psychology
Sociology
Anthropology
Semester Two:
Literature
Issues In Health And Healing
Race & Ethnic Dynamics
Canadian Politics
Sociology 2
Developmental Psychology

A few interesting courses: Race & Ethic Dynamic, Canadien Politcs, and Literature, all sound interesting, but otherwise there's too many 'ologies', too much science-y stuff, things that have zero interest to me at all and thus I'm going to have a harder time caring about and a harder time passing. So, I'll compare the first year of each program.

Fleming:
Semester One:
Classic and Early Modern Philosophy
Critical Approaches to Literature in English I
Critically Aware Thinking
Introduction to Psychology: Principle of Behavior
Language Composition
Sociology I: An Introduction
Semester Two:
Advanced Composition
Applied Research and Portfolio Development
Critical Approaches to Literature in English II
Introduction to Psychology: Dynamics of Behavior
Modern Philosophy
Sociology II: Mass Media

Again with the 'ologies', though at least the Sociology course looks interesting. The problem is, I hated both psychology and sociology when I took them at Loyalist. That said, I was in a mindset to dislike any course I took at the time, I was not in a proper place for studying. Philosphy looks good and the Literature courses probably won't bore me.

Senecca:
Semester One:
College English
Humanities: The Development of Western Thought I
Introuction to Computers and Applications
Learning, Thinking and Problem Solving
Critical Thinking I
Math Course (one of 3 choices)
Semester Two:
Acedemic Research and Writing
Basic Conversational French or Conversational Spanish for Beginners
Humanities: The Development of Western Thought II
Introduction to Social Sciences
Critical Thinking II
General Education Option (Literature)

Not crazy about having to take a language course--if you saw my high school French marks, you'd understand. It's also the only program where I have to take Math, also not high on my list. But I like the Humanties courses.

On pure curiculum, first year alone, I think I like Fleming best, followed by Seneca and then Mohawk a distant third.

All in all, I think I still have a lot to consider before I make my decision, even if time is quickly running out. Less than a month to go. Eek.

Busy Day

2006-04-29T09:31:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was definitly an interesting day. Jammed packed a lot of stuff into one day, because that's how it always works, you never get to spread it out.

First, Mom and I went to Toronto yesterday. We shopped, she showed me where my Dad lived when they first dating and we just walked around, it was cool. Then we went out to dinner and to Stars on Ice, which was amazing.

I love skating, have ever since I was a little girl, and watching it live... I've seen competitions, but competitions and shows aren't the same. Shows are so much more fun and the skating was beautiful. Best of all, Mom and I had a great time watching it together, which was really the whole point. After all, Mom's the one who gave me my love of skating and my favourite part has always been sharing it with her.

After the skating was over, we hurried home because it was the night of the Fishing Party, a Castleton tradition. I know, I get up at 8 a.m, spend the day shopping and walking around, and then I go home and go to a party that started at midnight, I know I'm crazy, but it's one of those parties that couldn't be missed. I've been going since I was a little girl and how could I give it up? It's one of the few time of year when I hang out with everyone around here, so...

It was a good party, but then it usually is. Mom actually went with me, which is interesting since she hasn't been to one of these things in about 10 years, since she decided I was only enough to watch out for myself and not fall in the pond or anything like that. It was never really her thing, always more my dad's and mine. Still, she went and it was cool. I think she might have even had a fairly good time.

There were lots of people, but there always are. It was mostly people I've known forever and feel super comfortable with. These are the people who saw me grow up and have loved me my entire life, as Mom said, these are my people. There's something entirely comforatble about that, about going to the same party you go to every year with people you've known since you were a child.

I had a really good time, thought I felt a little guilty for not being around a lot, since I don't usually do the local party scene. It's not my thing, but I always feel bad about it, since I do like these people, i just... Well, it is how it is.

I can't think of much else to say, given that I had three hours of sleep after being up for 22 straight hours. Yech.

Soundtrack Of My Life

2006-04-21T09:27:00.000-04:00

So I did this thing and filled out the soundtrack of my life. Basically, if my life was a movie (thought it'd be a boring one) this is the music that'd be playing in the background.

*Your Life: The Soundtrack*
Opening credits:	Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson
Waking up:	Every Day Is A Winding Road by Sheryl Crow
Average day:	Michelle by The Beatles
First date:	Hello, I Love You by The Doors
Falling in love:	She's In Love With the Boy by Trisha Yearwood
Love scene:	Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden
Fight scene:	Love Is A Battlefield by Pat Benatar
Breaking up:	Insensitive by Jann Arden
Getting back together:	Love Her Madly by The Doors
Secret love:	Crush by Garbage
Life's okay:	Take It Easy by The Eagles
Mental breakdown:	Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd
Driving:	Radar Love by Golden Earring
Learning a lesson:	You Can't Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones
Deep thought:	Only Happy When It Rains by Garbage
Flashback:	Ruby Tuesday by The Rolling Stones
Partying:	Here For the Party by Gretchen Wilson
Happy dance:	Summer of '69 by Brian Addams
Regreting:	Everytime It Rains by Ace of Base
Long night alone:	Full of Grace by Sarah McLachlan
Death scene:	I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan
Closing credits:	In My Life by The Beatles
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

150th Post

2006-04-17T18:35:00.000-04:00

This is my 150th post in this blog and I wanted it to be a happy, cheery post, but that turned out to be impossible.

You see, I'm in one of those low-moods, where I don't think I'm ever going to suceed at anything, as a writer, or a person. They come every so often and don't last long, but they're kinda depressing.

First of all, my sleep cycle's totally messed up at the moment. I'm falling asleep at 6 a.m and waking up at 4 p.m, which is not the best thing for me, I must admit.

I'm full of doubts about school. I want to go and I'm going, I'm just terried I'm making a mistake. What if I'm not capable at suceeding at anything? What'll I do then?

I'm even full of doubts about my writing. I write something and I hate it, which is odd because at least I have been writing lately, which for a while I wasn't. In fact, I've been able to update a lot of my fanfics and such, but I stilll hate everything I write and I fear that I'll never progress past writing fanfic. Don't get me wrong, I love fanfic, but I want more. At least, eventaully.

Yeah, this is one of those moods, so hopefully it'll pass soon.

Blogs

2006-04-16T00:54:00.000-04:00

I have figured out the one problem with blogs. You never know what's too much to write, what should be disclosed and what shouldn't.

Weirdly enough, my problem isn't with total strangers knowing my personal business, if I've never met you than I really don't care what you know about me. However, there are some things it's not appropriate to disclose on a blog, especially since I'm never sure who will read it.

There are things, I would start to share and then feel bad, because it seemed passive agreesive to write them on my blog instead of just talking to them. Other time, I hesitate because I'm afraid of causing problems. Then there are things that I don't mind some people knowing, but that I just know other people do not want to know.

Sometimes I just forget that this blog isn't my diary. It's tempting to write everything here, but it's not appropriate. I guess there's a fine balance and sometimes it's hard to know just what it is.

Take My Quiz

2006-04-15T06:18:00.000-04:00

Since I'm a follower I decided to copy Meg and make a Quiz to find out how much you guys, my friends, really know about me. This time I came up with fairly silly and useless information, but at least it's fun to do.

Scrapbook Finished

2006-04-05T15:19:00.000-04:00

I just finished the scrapbook I'd been working on for the last two years. It's full of pictures of all of us, some cards and that sort of stuff.

I've been working on in so long that some of the pictures and captions are out of date, people we no longer talk to, but that's the fun part. We can look back and remember.

I still have to finish some of the cpations and put in a few more stickers, but otherwise it's done nad it's on to the next scrapbook to fill with more memories. Wow.

I think I did a pretty good job of it. It got better half way through, when I started getting more creative, but that's natural. You live and you learn. Besides, it's intereting that my creativity was brought on by wanting to cut someone out of a picture.

All in all, I have lots of great pictures and mementoes, whihc is always good and lots of memories captured, which even better.

Ad Astra

2006-04-03T19:37:00.000-04:00

So, I went to my first Ad Astra this past weekend. Can I say that it was amazing?

Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed my six Anime Norths, but I just found Ad Astra more helpful for me. Also, I did more than I ever do at Anime North, I went to a few pannels, I went to a workshop, and I met people and learned some useful things.

I got a few pictures, but not many. I just didn't have time to take lots of random pictures. Though, I got a few good ones of Tara's stomach. Which isn't as odd as it sounds, since Tara got her stomach signed by eight different authors, including Kelley Armstrong.

Which leads me to the highlight of my weekend: I met Kelley Armstrong! Not only that, I got to talk to her one-on-one for about half an hour, about her books and her characters and I was delighted to learn that not only is she an amazing author, she's very nice.

Not only did I get to talk to her, but I also got her to autograph three books for me, two for myself and one for Taela. I didn't want to ask for anymore than that. That leads me to the most exciting part, one of the books I got signed was an advanced reading copy of Broken! It had a few spelling errors, but who cares, I've been dying to read this book!

I also got to participate in a writing workshop with Anne Bishop which was pretty interesting. I got a lot of useful information and tips out of it, which is kind of the point.

All in all, I had an amazing time this weekend. I especially enjoyed getting to hang out with my friends.

Writing

2006-03-16T13:24:00.000-05:00

Still in Brantford, still baby-sitting and considering the future of whether or not I'll ever have children. They have their good days and thier bad days and nothing in between.

Other than that, I've been concentrating on my orginal story idea. I set a rule for myself, I have to sit down and write at least a few pages every day. It helps. What I'm writing doesn't always fit in any particular place, but it's story material and can be used at some point. Besides, I need to get myself writing more often.

So, I set some scenes, ones that I'm not sure where they fit yet, to Meg and Taela. I was definitly smart to send it to both of them. Taela was wonderfully encouraging as always, but not particularly helpful. While, Meg had some wonderful suggestions and some nice construcitve criticism, which is more what I needed.

Praise is wonderful, but I also like being told what I'm doing wrong and how I can improve it. That's what's going to make me a better writer.

Not much else going on. I'll be home at the end of the month and then we're doing Ad Astra. Yay.

Sleep Problems

2006-03-06T10:19:00.000-05:00

Ever since I was a little girl I've had trouble sleeping. Not like in an insomniac kind of way, but in a deep, sound sleep kind of way.

I've always been plagued with nightmares, weird dreams, sleepwalking, and what I call my "episodes".

What happens is I have a deep, disturbing dream and then I appear to wake up, I either sit up or begin to talk, or often in the more recent years, I actually get up and go talk to someone, usually waking them up sine this happens after I go to sleep. I appear to be fully awake, but I say something outrageous, then I go back to bed and end up in a deep sleep.

Most of the time, I only have a very vague, if any, recollection of what happened. Usually, whoever it is I talked to will fill me in on the morning. Of course, my mother and most of my friends are pretty familiar with this by now, but I think it probably still freaks a few people out--or the ones who don't realize that I am asleep.

I started having these "episodes" in about 1995, or at least that's the earliest anyone can recall. Back then it was pretty rare, once or twice a year. Over the past ten years or so, they've escalated to about one a month.

There's no trigger that I know about, nothing that tends to cause them to happen. They just do. It's one of the oddities of Michelle, I guess.

Two Years

2006-02-22T00:01:00.000-05:00

So, todays mark the second anniversary of the worst day of my life.

I survived it, just like I've survived these last two years. Two years, it doesn't even seem real that two entire years have passed.

I thought about the significance of the date a lot today and I thought about him, of course. I don't go through a day when I don't think about him. Yet, really this was just another day, even if it stands as a marker for the worst day of my life.

I know I'll always hurt on this day, probably always remember what it means and think of him, but right now I still hurt every day and this day, weirdly enough was no worse than any of the others.

Maybe because I padded myself--I knew it would suck and I was prepared for that fact. I've noticed in the past that if I'm prepared for it to hurt, it hurts a little less than I thought I world or than it does if I don't think it's going to hurt. Probably because when I know it hurts, I numb myself.

Today, Taela was with me and we hung out, drank some wine, made plans for things we're going to do in the future and we talked about him, of course, shared stories and memories and laughter. Which is nice, it's the proper way to remember him, I believe.

Black Month

2006-02-02T21:47:00.000-05:00

It's February again and of course, my February moodiness has set in... The dark and depressing thoughts, the bittersweet memories, and the reminders of a life I used to have. Ah, February...

Party Saterday night. Mainly because I needed something to lighten up my mood, also becasue I needed to do something to mark the occasion. It might be a little morbid, but hey, to each their own, right?

On that note, I just thought I'd mention here, that I'll be updating my photo blog daily between now and the 21st. It'll be a look back on the man my father was.

I'll also be updating my memory blog fairly often for the next few weeks. After all, a lot of my thoughts belong there more than here. Since, that's the pain reason that page was created.

Goodbye My Friend

2006-02-02T01:37:00.000-05:00

Goodbye My Friend
By Michelle Elizabeth McKague

I never knew how much you meant,
Until I faced the thought of life without you.
The idea of not having you around,
Broke my heart in two.

I never loved you the way you once wanted me too,
But I loved you in my way.
You have a spot in my heart,
That’s yours and yours alone.

We’ve been friends for what seems like forever,
Since we were young and foolish.
So many moments we’ve shared,
So many of life’s milestones.

We started out back in high school,
Hanging out between classes.
I remember all the laughs we shared,
All the stories we could tell.

We had our problems back then,
A difference of opinion.
You wanted one thing,
And I knew it could never be.

For a while things were tense,
It wasn’t so easy to be friends.
But we worked through it,
And came out of it okay.

I couldn’t give you what you wanted,
And for a while you couldn’t let it go.
But in time you came to see it my way,
And found what it was you were really looking for.

I think back and remember,
All the times we shared.
Laughter and tears,
And everything in between.

Remember the weekends with friends,
And all the fun we had?
Remember how drunk we’d get?
And all the silly things I’d do.

Remember that awful night,
Where I wondered how our friendship would survive?
I was cruel and you were stupid,
And it all seemed like it might end.

But we came through it,
With a few harsh words and strained silences.
We said what had to be said,
And went from there.

We haven’t always agreed,
Or approved of the choices the other might make.
But we’ve always stood by one another,
And been there when a friend was needed.

On that dark week in February,
You stood by side when you were needed.
You gave me support,
And received a slap for your efforts.

Our friendship has been built on so many things,
So many different emotions.
We’ve grown together,
And yet, grown apart.

Now we’re at a crossroads,
Perhaps it’s time to say goodbye.
I don’t know how to do it,
Don’t know how to let you go.

Part of me wants to fight for our friendship,
Yet another part of me isn’t so sure.
I wonder if maybe we’ve run our course,
And our time has come.

Sometimes, by trying to hold on,
You tarnish what used to be.
So maybe it’s better to let go,
While the memories are still sweet.

It’s never easy to say goodbye to a friend,
Especially one so dear.
It’s harder still when it’s not fate that separates you,
But our own free wills.

You’ll still be in this world,
But not in mine.
Our lives will no longer be on the same course,
And that thought hurts deeply.

I know that I’ll think of you often,
And remember all that used to be.
I know I’ll miss you often,
And wish things could be different.

Still perhaps it’s best to part like this,
Before the memories turn ugly.
So, my dear friend,
I’ll do this now,
I’ll say goodbye.

It's February...

2006-02-01T22:51:00.000-05:00

You know, I intended this post to be bitter-sweet and reminiscant. I was going to talk about my memories and how painful this time of year is for me.

Instead, it's going to be angry. I don't like me attacked for no reason, when I don't think I've done anything to deserve it. I might not be the easiest person to get along with, but I don't think I'm the worst person in the world either.

Someone, who admittadly I'm not crazy about, came out and basically attacked me today. This person is important to one of my best friends, so I've tried to get along with them. However, apparently I haven't suceeded.

Maybe it's time for me to cut my losses with the friend in question, but I don't know how to do that. I hate to give up on people. Especailly people who have stood by me during my times of need.

However, maybe there's a time when it just gets to be too much. Maybe, what that friend and I shared is gone and maybe I do need to move on. I've done it before, let go of other friens because of outside influences, even though I still cared about the friend.

I don't know, maybe I'm just angry because I don't think I deserved what I got tonight. Or maybe, it's the fact that, this is a rough time of year for me and I'm more on edge than usual.

I just don't need this kind of crap, I ahve a stuff to deal with. I have stuff in my personal life, I have my own issues, and I have the looming anniversary of the worst day of my life and now I have to deal with this on top of everything?

If tonight is any indication, I think this going to be a horrible, horrible month...

Ten Things To Do Before I Die

2006-01-21T00:05:00.000-05:00

I started this awhile ago and never finished it, but now I finally have so, here it is. I got this from Pat's Blog...

Ten Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1. Get Married (or at least get to plan the wedding).
2. Have at least one child.
3. Write a published novel.
4. Go to Europe.
5. Do a road trip across either Canada or the United States.
6. Have one mad, passionate, and disatrous romance.
7. Be interviewed for some major newspaper or magazine.
8. Make the New York Times Best-Sellers list.
9. Visit Arlington National Cemetary.
10. Meet Barbara Walters

From Brantford

2006-01-19T23:56:00.000-05:00

So, I'm writing this from my cousin's place in Brantford. As most of you know, I'm staying here for a while. So far, so good.

Been going through my cousin's book shelves. Lots of choice. Yay! We also have similar taste, so that's even better. I've read a fair bit--but who says you can only read a book once, right?

My cousin's kids are adorable. So, it's great to be able to get to hang out with the boys, since I don't usualyl get to see a lot of them. Though, I'm not a huge fan of being woken up at 6:45 a.m to "I'm wearing Daddy's team" and having a little foot incased in a Montreal Canadien's sock stuck in my face. Imagine that, huh?

Other than that, not much going on. I'll be back in Castleton for a couple days to vote and go to the doctor and hten I'm back up here for a while. Will be down for my party on the 4th, which is good, 'casue there'd be a problem if I wasn't.

Not much else is new. I got a new cellphone and e-mailed most of the relevant people with the number. If you didn't get it and want it and I know you, e-mail me and I'll give it to you.

Friends and Such

2006-01-15T20:51:00.000-05:00

I'm not the easiest person in the world to deal with. I'm just not. I say one thing, and do another. I mope, I obsess, I don't deal and I'm just a lot to handle. So, I'm probably not the easiest girl to have as a friend.

That said, I somehow managed to get the best group of friends in the entire world. I'm serious, if anyone ever decides to start an annual friendship awards--my friends'll win em all. But, that said, sometimes, as much as I love my friends, I need to do it all alone.

There have been moments in my life when I wouldn't have made it without my friends and moments where I needed to be alone, to fend for myself. If that sounds stupid, I don't know. It's just how it is.

I know my friends love me and I also know they don't always approve of my choices and I hate it when I disapoint them, especailly when I know that they might be right. That maybe I am making a mistake, but... I hate feeling like I can't talk to them, because I let them down.

I don't know, this whole entry isn't turning out like I thought. I put the words on the page, and they don't sound like they did in my head. I'm not even really sure what I'm saying, just that I need to get it out.

Maybe, it's becasue I've been feeling very alone lately. But, not in the bad way. Alone, in the 'it's given me time to think' way and I'll have more of that as I'll be away for the next three weeks.

There are times, when being alone is the last thing in the world I want--when I feel like the emptiness is goign to swallow me up and I need someone to lean on, someone to pull me out of it. And htere are other times, when the lonlieness is just what the doctor prescribed and this is one of those times.

Still, I know when I come out of it, my friends'll be there for me and that's a wondeful feeling. I'm very grateful to have that, the knowledge that there'll be someone there for me when I need them.

Again, this entry doesn't mkae a lot of sense. But then, I don't always make a lot of sense, do I? Still, I just wanted to get it all out and I hope, I sort of suceeded.

Another Update

2006-01-13T13:14:00.000-05:00

So, my last blog post was a little intnse. Oops. I'm just a little defensive these days.

I'm settling in here pretty good. Having a new computer helps. Though, my mother informs me that sititng on my computer all day is not acceptable and that I have to do something productive with my time.

Since I don't particularly wish to get a job, she's decided I'm going to do volenteer work. She listed several places, I just have to choose the ones that suit me the best. So, I'm putting some thought into that.

I'm also continuing to see my psychiatrist and I'm joining a support group. I figure since I have the time, maybe I should start dealing with a few of my issues. Maybe. Still, it's worth a try, right?

Other than that, I have a new personal project that I'm working on and I'm sure I'll think of a few other things to do with my time. Yay.

Update

2006-01-10T22:32:00.000-05:00

So I'm back online finally, after a long hiatus. Thank God. Being computer-less was not fun.

I'm in Castleton for the time being and contrary to popular belief, it is my decision, not my mother's. I was looking for an apartment, but have decided to hold off for a few months. There are factors for this, but not ones I feel comfortably discussing. Just trust me when I say they're valid and that this is a decision I've made after lots of thought.

Yes, I want to live in Toronto. I miss my friends and I'd like to see them all teh time. Yes, I was misearble in Castleton before. However, things change, and Toronto will still be there in a few months when my circumstances change.

The money has been safely put away for when I need it and I am still keeping an eye out for good places, though I doubt I will move anytime soon. I'm going to enroll for some night school courses, just to keep myself busy and find a job, I guess.

I know not everyone will approve of this decision and I'm sorry, but it really was mine too make.

Affection

2005-11-04T00:16:00.000-05:00

I'm a touchy-feely person, there's no denying that. I'm a big believer in physical displays of affection. I have no problems hugging the people I love and I'm definitely a cuddler.

I'm also a very affectionate person. It's natural for me to impulsively hug one of my friends, just because I feel like it. It's my way of expressing my affection for that person. I was raised in a very affectionate households where hugs were freely given. My parents showered me with displays of affection and I pass that onto the people I love.

Maybe, it makes some people uncomfortable, but it's who I am. I try not to hug people who I know it makes uncomfrotable, but with my closest friends it comes very naturally. In fact, I have a few friends with whom I have very touchy-feely, yet totally platonic relationships.

However, while i'm a very physically affetionate person, I am not a promiscuous person. It bothers me when people decide that just because I am very open with displays of affection, I must also be a slut.

I have a few very close male frineds and yes, I'm affectionate with them. But I'm not going to sleep with any of them. They're my friends. I'm not about to sleep with Taela and she and I are very affectionate, so why would I sleep with one of my guy friends, when I'm affectionate with them?

Maybe I'm over-reacting and am just too sensitive, but this was just something that was on my mind and that was bothering me.

A little Annoyed

2005-11-03T10:42:00.001-05:00

So, yesterday was not my best day. A little bit eerie and a lot annoying.

Let's see... There was the elevator thing. I went for my break and suddenly couldn't get back to my floor. It would stop at all the other floors, but not mine. i felt like I was in a sci-fi novel. I finally took the stairs.

After that, i left work early and went to the subway and it wasn't working. It only delayed me about 20 minutes, but it was still irritating.

Then, on my way home, I was talking to Meg and my cellphone battery died. WHich just added to my annoyance.

Stupid technology.

Homesick

2005-10-24T21:09:00.000-04:00

I feel so homesick write now. I just miss my mom so much and talking to her on the phone isn't enough. I don't miss Castleton, not really, but I miss my familiar surroundings. I miss my mom and Taela and my kitty cats and my Aunt Linda.

I had a life in Castleton and I'll admit it, I hated it most days. THe town is small and suffocating and my life there was incredibly dull. However, it was home. It was where I came from and where I belonged and it was incredibly comforting.

I mean, I'm still with family and I see my friends all the time, but it's not the same. Maybe I'm over-attached to my mother, but she's all I've got and I draw a lot of strength from her and I just feel so lost and alone.

A part of me wants to go back home and go abck to my life there. But, I know I can't. I have to ride it out and wait until it gets easier. I have to live my own life and I can't cling to the familiar, no matter how tempting it might be.

Still, I realyl do miss my mom and talking to her tonight just made it worse. I just really wanted her to hug me and make it all better, but she couldn't. Lisa gave me a big hug, though, and that helped.

Of course, it's not just missing my mom. I miss my dad a lot too. The lonlier and more homesick i get, the worse it is. I can talk to Mama on the phone and I'll see her in a week or so, but I can't do either of those things with Daddy.

I'm also at a crossroads at my life. I'm not sure school's right for me right now, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing what I'm doing right now either. I don't have an apartment and a lot of things in my personal life are in the air. A lot of my relationships seem to be on shaky ground adn that's scary, because I draw a lot of my strenght from my friends.

ANyway, I'm just kind of at a low point right now. I'm sure it'll get better, but it's still really hard.

What's New In Michelle-land?

2005-10-23T22:17:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've really posted on here as I've had a few people point out to me.

Let's see, my commute is killing me. Going to and from Oshawa every day is not convient. Not even slightly. I desperately need to find a place in Toronto ASAP.

Other than that, I've been working. I have a job in Toronto now, which is good. Same thing as I was doing before, just in Toronto and for more money, so always good.

Um, been hanging out with Meg a fair bit. Her birthday's next week, so that will be cool. Been getting to see more of everyone, whihc is awesome and was kinda the point of moving to Toronto.

Bought Veronica Mars on DVD. Intend to convince most of the people I know to watch at least some of the episdoes with me. I love this show and I want to spread the love, because it's amazing and everyone should watch it.

Other than that, not a lot. Commuting is taking a lot out of me, so I don't have a ton of time. Hoping to change that soon. I work 2-10 starting tomorrow adn that'll kinda suck, because I won't get home 'til late, joy.

Not sure waht else to say. More later.

MSN Confusion

2005-10-14T08:22:00.000-04:00

So, as some of you know, yesterday I had a slight issue with MSN. Or rather, it had an issue with me.

I don't know the full story, just parts of it. I do know that I was on MSN at home and it kept logging me out and saying I had signed in somewhere else. Which was a little strange, until I realized I must have set the computer at work to 'automatic' somehow.

However, this morning, I find out from Meg, that apparently someone was using my MSN and pretending to be me. Not good. So if you talked to me on MSN yesterday, it might not have been me.

Anyway, I think I've learnt my lesson about logging in on strange computers and I did manage to get my idenity off this computer. I hope.

Bad Qualities

2005-10-12T08:24:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my bad qualities. Yes, I have a few. More than a few actually, since I am only human. But I've been thinking about which ones are my worst.

It's very simple. I talk too much. In fact, I don't know how to shut up. In more than one way. I babble to the point of irritation (and beyond), I'm a bit (probably more than a bit) of a gossip, and I tend to talk during movies and tv shows, often spoiling them for other people.

I also have this great tendancy for saying exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time. I just open my mouth and the words come out before I can stop them and it's not alway pretty.

See, I'm aware of my faults. I'm just not sure how to fix them. I like to talk and I hate silence, thus why I fill it with whatever words I can come up with. I need to talk, it's just who I am.

I know a lot of people, even my nearest and dearest, find this habit truly irritating. And that it's a quality that turns a lot of people off about me. And I would like to change it, but I don't know how? I am incapable of staying silent.

While, I think that's my worst quality there are plenty of other bad qualities as well. I'm bossy, stubborn, I have to get my own way and I tend to try and control everything. I flirt a bit too much and maybe act a little too ditzy at times. I'm spoiled and self-absorbed. I'm a slob and punctuality is not my friend.

I'm sure there are others, as well. And I need to work on all of them, but I do think the talking too much is the one I have to fix first. I would defitly call it my worst quality.

What do you guys think? The ones that know me. What's my worst trait and how do I fix it? Just name one each, because well, I am only human and who wants to hear too many bad things about themselves? That said, be honest. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know.

Hockey's Back

2005-10-06T08:02:00.000-04:00

So Hockey's finally back!

I was fairly indifferent coming into the season, (well, in comparison to how I was before the lockout) until last night. As soon as I was watching that game, well, it all came back to me. How much I love that game and how much I really missed it.

It was a good game. Of course, the Leafs lost, but I still think they played well and they got a point out of it. Eric Lindros scored (which was very exciting) and all in all I enjoyed the game. Even if I was tense the entire time.

Of course, this is where I point out that I loathe the shootout. I've never liked it and never will and I was part of the apparent minority who thought it had no place in the NHL. Last night did not change that (obviously).

Nor did it change the fact that I also loathe Daniel Alfredson (as a player, not a person--since, obviously I've never met him and thus don't have a personal opinin). He definitely ranks as my least favourite player in the NHL at the moment and probably will for some time to come.

Still, I enjoyed watching the game. I'd almost forgotten the joy I get from sitting back, curling up and watching my beloved Maple Leafs. Go Leafs Go!

Besides, the fact that hockey's finally back, there' not much else going on in my life. I'm working and I've got killer hours, because of my commute, I'm having like 13 or 14 hour days. It's not a lot of fun.

Thanksgiving's this weekend and I'm going home, of course. Dinner with the family and so on. Might see if everyone wants to hang at sometime. Of course, it's also the return of Hockey Night in Canda Saterday night, so that will have to be worked out. I am not missing HNiC--I've missed Cherry too much to skip it!

That's all, I can think of for now. Not sure what else to say except: Go Leafs Go!

Two New Blogs

2005-09-23T21:26:00.000-04:00

I decided to create two new blogs. Yes, I know, that means I now have five in total, but they all have very specific purposes. This blog was simply getting too overcrowded with too many variations of posts.

Weep Not For the Memories is a blog dedicated to memories. Mostly to memories of my father and other posts that deal strictly with the accident reside there, but some childhood reminsinces as well. I thought it was a subject that deserved it's own space and I removed most of the posts that I put there from here. Not all, but most.

It's Only My Opinion is a blog for, well, opinions. TV shows, movies, even my opinions on sports and politics will go on this blog. This is a smaller blog (obviously), but still neat, I think. Again, all the posts there so far were on this blog first--but in this case, I removed them all from this blog, since they have no purpose on this blog now.

I really think it'll may my life easier to seperate my blog into seperate categories. Of course, I now have five to update--but it might happen. So, now I have a regular blog, a writing blog, a photo blog, a memory blog and an opinion blog. Sounds good to me.

More Blogs?

2005-09-20T22:28:00.000-04:00

I'm thinking of trimming this blog down. I've noticed that when I post it tends to be one of three things.

Either, it's a very personal post, as I think back about the past and about my father in particular; it's just an update of what's going on, very newsy and casual; or it's a weird mix of random things that have no purpose.

Because of that, I was thinking of creating another blog just to seperate things a bit more. Of course, I already have two other blogs, but again, they have very seperate purposes. I would keep this blog for the newsy things and move the more personal stuff elswhere.

I thought I might put the things such as my opinions on new TV shows, movies, books or sports elsewhere too. I don't know, it's just a thought.

News

2005-09-16T14:37:00.000-04:00

So, I withdrew from George Brown today. I did it for my own reasons, becasue the course wasn't what I wanted. I just didn't like it and I didn't think I could last a whole year.

So, I made another game plan. I'll go to Senecca in January, like I orginally planned. Until then, I'll find a job and an apartment and live in Toronto. I don't want to go back to Castleton, but I'd rather do that then stay in a program where I wasn't happy.

I know some people will be disapointed, but really this is was what best for me and I did put some thought into it. I know I only tried the program for two weeks, but that was enoguh for me to know it wasn't for me. I love to bake and I always will, but I don't want to pursue it as a field.

I don't really know what I want to do with my life, but I have a few ideas. I have time to figure it all out. I'm onyl 22 after all.

Anyway, I made the decision on my own and I feel good about it.

Football Predictions

2005-09-09T12:55:00.000-04:00

I decided to take a crack at predicting the upcoming NFL season. This is how I think each team will do at the end of the year.

I'm not a football expert and my formula was completly random, so I doubt I'll be correct, but I thuoght just for fun I'd post my predcitions so later I could see how wrong I was.

NFC

East
Philladelphia (last season: 13-3):12-4
Dallas (last season 6-10): 8-8
N.Y Giants(last season 6-10): 6-10
Washington (last season 6-10): 6-10

North
Green Bay (last season 10-6): 10-6
Minnesota (last season 8-8): 9-7
Chicago (last season 5-11): 6-10
Detroit (last season 6-10): 7-9

South
Carolina (last season 7-9): 10-6
Atlanta (last season 11-5): 9-7
Tampa Bay (last season 5-11): 7-9
New Orleans (last season 8-8): 3-13

West
Seattle (last season 9-7): 11-5
St. Louis (last season 8-8): 10-6
Arizona (last season 6-10): 6-10
San Francisco (last season 2-14): 4-12

I'm predicting that Green Bay, Philladelphia, Seattle and Carolin will win their divisions, with Philladelphia winning the Conference and Atlanta and St. Louis getting the Wild Card spots.

AFC

East
New England (last season 14-2): 14-2
N.Y. Jets (last season 10-6): 10-6
Buffalo (last season 9-7): 9-7
Miami (last season 4-12): 6-10

North
Pittsuburgh (last season 15-1): 12-6
Baltimore (last season 9-7): 8-8
Cincinatti (last season 8-8): 7-9
Cleavland (last season 4-12): 5-11

South
Indianapolis (last season 12-4): 10-6
Jacksonville (last season 9-7): 8-8
Tennessee (last season 5-11): 8-8
Houston (last season 7-9): 6-10

West
San Diego (Last Season 12-4): 10-6
Oakland (Last Season 5-11): 8-8
Denver (Last Season 10-6): 7-9
Kansas City (Last Season 7-9): 4-12

I'm predicting that New England, Pittsburgh, San Diego, and Indianapolis will win their divisions, with New England winning the Conference and the Jets and Buffalo getting the Wild Card spots.

There you go, my NFL predicitions. I'm sure most football analysts would laugh at them, but it's what my gut tells me. Of course, football's not by sport, so my guts probably wrong, but we'll see in January.

Football and Memories

2005-09-08T22:28:00.000-04:00

Football season started tonight.

I'm not a huge footballfan, probably never will be. However, football will always represent something special in my life. It's one more tie, one more thing that reminds me of my father.

My dad loved football the way I love hockey: with an all-consuming passion. From week 1 until the Superbowl, nothing else was permitted on our TV on Sudnays. At least not when he was home (so my mother and I loved it when he went out to watch the game elsewhere).

Many of my memories of him are tied in with football. As a child, the Monday Night Football theme meant it was time for bed. Daddy let me listen to the song and that was it.

I remember Superbowl XXV when the Giants beat the Bills. Daddy let me stay up for the whole thing and he was so happy when his Giants won. I remember just enjoying getting to stay up and spend the time with him and though, I think I fell asleep at some point, he made sure I was up for the end becuase he knew I'd hate to miss it.

Later, we'd spend Sundays on the couch, with him trying to explain the rules of football to me. I understood, but couldn't care less, but he never stopped trying. Later, as I grew more interested (football is a sport, after all), we had a routine. He'd lay on the couch and I'd sit at his feet and we'd discuss the game.

American Thanksgiving was an unofficial holiday in our house. He never worked, I never had to go to school and my mom made a roast chicken for dinner. It was one of my favourite traditions.

There came a point when I could discuss football with him and I cared enough to cheer for specific teams and to ask what the standings were. I never cared enough to keep track, but I never had to. Daddy alwyas had it all in his head.

I loved to annoy him by cheering for the other team. He did the smae to me. We had many a battle, but alwyas friendly. We loved to egg the other on, knowing it was all done in fun.

When his team was in the superbowl, I cheered as feverently as he did and vice versa. Buit if it was regular season, then all bets were off and we liked to compete.

Tonight his Raiders are playing my Patriots in the Season opener. I can almost hear the conversation we would have, the goodnatured teasing. It makes me smile, it's a little bittersweet, but most memories are. I like thinking of things we shared, even if it hurts, just a little bit.

My fahter might me gone, but he left me with many wonderful memories of things we shared and the reminders of those times will always be special. But football, perhaps most of all.

Besides, wherever Daddy is now, I know he's watching the game and grumbling 'cause as of now the Raiders are losing. He's here with me, always. I know that, sometiems I just feel it stronger than others and tonight's one of those times.

Books to Watch For--Update

2005-09-07T22:07:00.000-04:00

A couple of months ago, I posted my "Books to Watch For" list, with all the books that I was eagerly awaiting.

In the last couple months, I've added a couple more books to the list and learnt a few added details about some of the other books I was already awaiting. So I thought an update was in order.

October 25, 2005- Undead and Unreturnable by Mary Janice Davidson.
The fourth Betsy Taylor book. One thing you have to love about Mary Janice Davidson, unlike most of the other authors on this list--she doesn't take forever to write a book. Her last Betsy Taylor book came out in July and already we're getting another one. Isn't that awesome?
To be the fair, the books are shorter and fluffier than anything else on this list, but still really good and you don't have to wait forever! This one's even a Christmas book--A Christmas book about vampires, now doesn't that sound interesting?
Books 5 & 6 are slated for release in 2006 and I'll post more information on them once they have titles and such. But don't you love how fast she writes?

April 2006- A Date From Hell- Multiple Authors (including Kim Harrison and Kelley Armstrong)
This is a multi-author anthology that includes authors of two of my favorite series with two short stories from said series'. I love anthologies, I've found some great authors that way, because they were in anthologies with an authout I already loved.
This one has a new story from Kelley Armstrong's Women of the Otherworld series, with a new character--always fun. It also has a new story from Kim Harrison's Rachel Morgan series, set before the series.
I'm very excited about this one.

May 2006- Broken by Kelley Armstrong
The newest Women of the Other World book! This new story focuses on Elena, the main character of the first two books, not by favourite of the three narators so far in the series, but I'm sure it'll still be wonderful. One big thing about it: it's set in Toronto! Yay!

June, 2006- Once Upon Stilettos by Shanna Swendson
Of all the books on the list, this is the one I'm looking forward to. I loved Enchanted Inc. and I can't wait to read this sequel. Especially now, since she's just posted a little tidbit about it on her website.
I still don't know how I'm going to last until next June, but I'll make it somehow. I hope, though I'm sure by the time it actually comes out, I will be in full-obsessive mode, counting down the days and everything.

July, 2006- Danse Macrabre by Laurell K. Hamilton
Anita Blake #13!
Of course, this book is still almost a year away--but I am desperatly, eagerly looking forward to it. I love these books and I'm sure the next one will be amazing, even if it's come almost two years after the last one.
I already know I will love this book. More Anita; more vampires, werewolves and other creatures; more sex, blood and death; more angst and agression; and best of all, more Jean Claude! How could any girl resist?

There you go, my updated "Books I'm Eagerly Awaiting" list.

If you'll note, they're all fantasy/supernatural. Most of them contain magic, half of them contain vamprires and they all have that supernatural theme. What can I say, that's my current book taste (I think it comes from the fact that most of these were recommended by Taela).

The only unfortunate thing about this list, is that half of the books on it don't come out until next summer. Sigh. Oh, well, at least I have school to fill my time until then.

Bad Day

2005-09-06T21:34:00.000-04:00

Today was brutal.

I started school. Which went well. I only had two classes, but both seemed okay and I liked the teachers. So the school thing was good.

I also hung out with Meg for a while. Which was fine. It was the rest of my day that sucked. I won't go into details, but it took em four and a half hours to get from Toronto back to Oshawa. Yes, four and a half hours.

Anyway, by the time I made it back, I was tired, stressed and upset and seriously deabting dropping out and going back to Castelton. I won't actually do it, but I think it's a sign of how frustrated it was that my life in Castleton seemed better.

I'm sure things will get better when I'm actually living in the city, though God only knows when that will be since I still ahve to find a place. Soon, I hope.

Ech, I'm still in a rotten mood whihc is probably pretty obvious so I'm going to go do something else and get away from the computer.

This and That

2005-09-05T02:14:00.000-04:00

So, big news, though I think by now everyone knows it: I'm moving to Toronto and going to George Brown (starting Tuesday). I'm leaving Castleton. At last.

However, I'm now desperately looking for a place to live. I thought I had found one, but it fell through (unfortunately). So, now I need to find a place ASAP and until then I'm staying with family in Oshawa.

In other news, I'm at Meg and Phil's for a couple day. Awesome party yesterday. I got to meet Tara's girlfriend, who is very nice. And it's always nice to see everyone.

I've become a total Sims adict and am having a hard time being torn away from Phil's computer. It's just so damned additcting.

Can't think of anything else. Will update on the housing situation. Oh, and I'm still without a computer. Sigh. Espeically since I ahve an online course.

From Toronto

2005-08-22T12:08:00.000-04:00

I"m writing this from Meg's, as my computer is still not even starting, sigh... It was nice to have net access again, though I'm going home today, so back to the world of limited internet access. Double sigh.

Had fun in Toronto, as always. I love spending time with Meg and it's always nice to see other people as well.

We went to the Renisance festival, which was a blast. I really enjoyed it. Bought a nice pair of earings and a belly-button stud, also got my hair done. I spent a fair bit of money, but you're only young once, right?

Next week is the Ex with my mother, which is always fun. This has actually been a full summer, I did a lot of things actually, which is good. But of course, I'll be going back to work soon, so I'll have less time, but more money. Isn't that how it always works?

That's about it for now. Don't know when I'll be able to post again, but I'll try to use my aunt's computer sometime this week.

Computer Problems and Other Stuff

2005-08-19T12:55:00.000-04:00

Long time, no update.

Went to Lucas' cottage last weekend with the Toronto bunch. Lots of fun. Got some swimming in and some hanging out. Poor Alex lost his glasses, which was only funny because it wasn't me. Anyway, lots of fun was had.

Got dropped off in Oshawa Monday afternoon and went to my little cousins b-day party, which wasn't all that bad, really. It was nice to see Cathy again and the kids are always adorable. Though, I think next time I'll choose to visit when there aren't lots of little children around, but just her two.

Came home Monday evening and checked my e-mail and played around on the net, but was too tired for a blog update. I figured I'd wait until Tuesday morning after I'd had some much needed sleep. However, I woke up Tuesday to find my computer not working (it does that), so I restarted it and assumed I'd get it back up and running within the day. Not the case.

Three days later, it's still not working. It won't even start up and I'm now kind of alarmed, since I'm lazy and have never bothered to back up anything from that computer. Which means I could be seriously screwed. Right now I'm just praying that all the data can be saved and that it won't cost be too much. I do know that this is my own fault and that I should have fixed my computer months ago, I was just cheap and lazy. Oops.

So that said, I'm writing this from my aunt's computer and don't have easy access to the net. I don't know when I will again, though hopefully sooner than later.

Toronto Visit

2005-08-08T22:32:00.000-04:00

I'm back home now, spent a couple days in Toronto, which is always nice. I love the city and more important, I love spending time with my Toronto friends. I miss them all so much when I'm down here.

Pretty cool couple of days. Got to hang out with Tara for a while. We drank, watched Wonder Falls (which was awesome), and just hung out. Then, Meg and I went to Chris' where they had a game udnerway. I slept through that part, but woke up enough to hang out with Chris for a while when the game was over.

Then today Meg and I hung out, went shopping. Then I convinced her to go with me to the Hockey Hall of Fame, which is always fun. Though, it was a tiny bit sad. It was just one of those times when I really missed my dad.

The last time I was at the HHOF, I bought my dad his beloved Bruins shot glass and I promised him I'd buy him either a Blackhawks or Wild shot glass next time. Of course, by the time next time rolled around he'd been gone almost eighteen months.

That wasn't the only time I missed him. In the replica Montreal Canadiens dressing room, I had a strong wave of nostolgia/sorrow. I remembered the first time I ever visited in the HHOF and him telling me to spit on the floor (which he had done when he visited a few months earlier).

Also, just being there reminded me of him. My mother was a big part of my love of the game (she's a more rabid than my father ever was), but my father gave me the love of knowledge. Every stat, every story that I've absorbed, well that's all him. He had the same intesnsity about anything he liked, the same ability to absorb whatever he heard, though he did call me a dork for how much information I chose to absorb--still, I know taht secretly he loved it.

Sometimes it amazes me how much I still miss him, but it shouldn't. My father was very important to me and he helped make me who I am today. Missing him is natural and it would be worse if I didn't miss him, at least I think so.

Update

2005-08-07T00:57:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this from Toronto, from Meg and Phil's place. This was a very impulsive visit, totally unplanned. I decided I needed to start doing more things on impulse so here I am.

We were at Tyler's birthday party and the idea of me going back to the city with them was mentioned, even though I had no clothes or anything with me (other than waht I was wearing and my bathing suit), but I couldn't resist. I ended up missing my last planned visit and it seemed like the perfect oppertunity, so I took it.

I've got to do that more often, seize my oppertunity while it's there. Life is short and you might as well make the best of it while you can. So, I'm in Toronto until Monday (no longer--given that I brought no luggage).

Tyler's birthday was fun. Hung out, swam a bit, and just lazed around. Always nice. It was nice to spend more time with Krystle (sp?) and get to know her a little better and it was cool to see Jentree (sp?) again.

Went shopping with my mother on Friday. I spent way too much. Bought myself a pink suede jacket and then on Saterdya, I bought a pink straw cowboy hat since after stealing Jesse's at the barbeque last weekend, I had decided I totally wanted one. So I bought a pink one, very me.

Bought a bunch of new books as well. Big surprise, huh? Can't spend like that very often, but it was very, very fun and my mother and I actually got along--not the most common of occurances.

Drinking Is Bad

2005-07-31T11:39:00.000-04:00

Alcohol is bad. Very, very bad.

Party last night, it was fun. But I drank way too much. I sang kareoke, that's prove of how drunk I was. Not only did I sing, I sang more than once--though two of those times, I sang with Mike who has an awesome voice. Unlike myself.

Anyway, it was bad. Really bad. But luckily the audience was nice. Partly because they love me and partly because they were really, really drunk. Also, I was not the worst singer there--as amazing as that might sound.

I also talk too much when I'm drunk, as my mother pointed out. Anyway, I don't think I said anything truly embarrassing and a few interesting things were said. Some that actually require some pondering.

Anyway, all in all it was a good night. I may have talked too much, but Hell given some of the incidences in my past, this was pretty good. I didn't say anythign totally stupid, so I'll call it a success.