Homesick

I feel so homesick write now. I just miss my mom so much and talking to her on the phone isn't enough. I don't miss Castleton, not really, but I miss my familiar surroundings. I miss my mom and Taela and my kitty cats and my Aunt Linda.

I had a life in Castleton and I'll admit it, I hated it most days. THe town is small and suffocating and my life there was incredibly dull. However, it was home. It was where I came from and where I belonged and it was incredibly comforting.

I mean, I'm still with family and I see my friends all the time, but it's not the same. Maybe I'm over-attached to my mother, but she's all I've got and I draw a lot of strength from her and I just feel so lost and alone.

A part of me wants to go back home and go abck to my life there. But, I know I can't. I have to ride it out and wait until it gets easier. I have to live my own life and I can't cling to the familiar, no matter how tempting it might be.

Still, I realyl do miss my mom and talking to her tonight just made it worse. I just really wanted her to hug me and make it all better, but she couldn't. Lisa gave me a big hug, though, and that helped.

Of course, it's not just missing my mom. I miss my dad a lot too. The lonlier and more homesick i get, the worse it is. I can talk to Mama on the phone and I'll see her in a week or so, but I can't do either of those things with Daddy.

I'm also at a crossroads at my life. I'm not sure school's right for me right now, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing what I'm doing right now either. I don't have an apartment and a lot of things in my personal life are in the air. A lot of my relationships seem to be on shaky ground adn that's scary, because I draw a lot of my strenght from my friends.

ANyway, I'm just kind of at a low point right now. I'm sure it'll get better, but it's still really hard.