Summer!

Well, the July first weekend is at an end. I have to work tommorrow, so my weekend in the sun is over. Sigh.

But, it was a great weekend. Waterfront, a barbecque, hanging with my friends. It was all good. I had a blast.

There's a party at Em's tonight, but I'm not going. I'm tired, sunburnt, and I have to work tommorrow. This is one of those times when I have to make a judgement call and apparently my judgement is getting better, because I made the practical decision. There have been many times when I've made the fun decision and suffered for it. So, maybe I'm matruing. Scary thought.

Taela and I hung out at the Waterfront festival today. It was one of those wonderful days when we just seemed to be on the same waverlength. Sometimes, it seems as if we have nothing in common, most of the time we get along fine, but there's still a barrier, but days are today, it's like it always was.

Mom's birthday is in eight days. I decided what I'm getting her. Which is good. I want it to be a special birthday, since it'll be the first without Daddy... He always made such a big deal out of her birthday...

Mine's two weeks after that. Twenty-one. It seems hard to believe that I'm almost twenty-one. Still, I'm looking forward to it. I'm willing to put twenty behind me forever. It's been a hard year, one that I wouldn't want to repeat for anything. Well, the first part maybe... But not these last four months...

I hate this. I hate that my mind alwyas comes back to that day in February. That I always end up thinking about it, dwelling about it. The day my life got dividied into before and after. Before the accident and after. I hate it.

I know I can't turn back time. I know I can't have him back, does why can't I think about something else? I hate feeling like this. Like the darkness, the pain, the anger is never going to leave me. It's not fair.

It's summer. My favourite time of year. Yet, I feel as if it's winter. Dreary and bleak.