Ten Things To Do Before I Die

I started this awhile ago and never finished it, but now I finally have so, here it is. I got this from Pat's Blog...

Ten Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1. Get Married (or at least get to plan the wedding).
2. Have at least one child.
3. Write a published novel.
4. Go to Europe.
5. Do a road trip across either Canada or the United States.
6. Have one mad, passionate, and disatrous romance.
7. Be interviewed for some major newspaper or magazine.
8. Make the New York Times Best-Sellers list.
9. Visit Arlington National Cemetary.
10. Meet Barbara Walters

From Brantford

So, I'm writing this from my cousin's place in Brantford. As most of you know, I'm staying here for a while. So far, so good.

Been going through my cousin's book shelves. Lots of choice. Yay! We also have similar taste, so that's even better. I've read a fair bit--but who says you can only read a book once, right?

My cousin's kids are adorable. So, it's great to be able to get to hang out with the boys, since I don't usualyl get to see a lot of them. Though, I'm not a huge fan of being woken up at 6:45 a.m to "I'm wearing Daddy's team" and having a little foot incased in a Montreal Canadien's sock stuck in my face. Imagine that, huh?

Other than that, not much going on. I'll be back in Castleton for a couple days to vote and go to the doctor and hten I'm back up here for a while. Will be down for my party on the 4th, which is good, 'casue there'd be a problem if I wasn't.

Not much else is new. I got a new cellphone and e-mailed most of the relevant people with the number. If you didn't get it and want it and I know you, e-mail me and I'll give it to you.

Friends and Such

I'm not the easiest person in the world to deal with. I'm just not. I say one thing, and do another. I mope, I obsess, I don't deal and I'm just a lot to handle. So, I'm probably not the easiest girl to have as a friend.

That said, I somehow managed to get the best group of friends in the entire world. I'm serious, if anyone ever decides to start an annual friendship awards--my friends'll win em all. But, that said, sometimes, as much as I love my friends, I need to do it all alone.

There have been moments in my life when I wouldn't have made it without my friends and moments where I needed to be alone, to fend for myself. If that sounds stupid, I don't know. It's just how it is.

I know my friends love me and I also know they don't always approve of my choices and I hate it when I disapoint them, especailly when I know that they might be right. That maybe I am making a mistake, but... I hate feeling like I can't talk to them, because I let them down.

I don't know, this whole entry isn't turning out like I thought. I put the words on the page, and they don't sound like they did in my head. I'm not even really sure what I'm saying, just that I need to get it out.

Maybe, it's becasue I've been feeling very alone lately. But, not in the bad way. Alone, in the 'it's given me time to think' way and I'll have more of that as I'll be away for the next three weeks.

There are times, when being alone is the last thing in the world I want--when I feel like the emptiness is goign to swallow me up and I need someone to lean on, someone to pull me out of it. And htere are other times, when the lonlieness is just what the doctor prescribed and this is one of those times.

Still, I know when I come out of it, my friends'll be there for me and that's a wondeful feeling. I'm very grateful to have that, the knowledge that there'll be someone there for me when I need them.

Again, this entry doesn't mkae a lot of sense. But then, I don't always make a lot of sense, do I? Still, I just wanted to get it all out and I hope, I sort of suceeded.

Another Update

So, my last blog post was a little intnse. Oops. I'm just a little defensive these days.

I'm settling in here pretty good. Having a new computer helps. Though, my mother informs me that sititng on my computer all day is not acceptable and that I have to do something productive with my time.

Since I don't particularly wish to get a job, she's decided I'm going to do volenteer work. She listed several places, I just have to choose the ones that suit me the best. So, I'm putting some thought into that.

I'm also continuing to see my psychiatrist and I'm joining a support group. I figure since I have the time, maybe I should start dealing with a few of my issues. Maybe. Still, it's worth a try, right?

Other than that, I have a new personal project that I'm working on and I'm sure I'll think of a few other things to do with my time. Yay.

Update

So I'm back online finally, after a long hiatus. Thank God. Being computer-less was not fun.

I'm in Castleton for the time being and contrary to popular belief, it is my decision, not my mother's. I was looking for an apartment, but have decided to hold off for a few months. There are factors for this, but not ones I feel comfortably discussing. Just trust me when I say they're valid and that this is a decision I've made after lots of thought.

Yes, I want to live in Toronto. I miss my friends and I'd like to see them all teh time. Yes, I was misearble in Castleton before. However, things change, and Toronto will still be there in a few months when my circumstances change.

The money has been safely put away for when I need it and I am still keeping an eye out for good places, though I doubt I will move anytime soon. I'm going to enroll for some night school courses, just to keep myself busy and find a job, I guess.

I know not everyone will approve of this decision and I'm sorry, but it really was mine too make.