Friends and Such

I'm not the easiest person in the world to deal with. I'm just not. I say one thing, and do another. I mope, I obsess, I don't deal and I'm just a lot to handle. So, I'm probably not the easiest girl to have as a friend.

That said, I somehow managed to get the best group of friends in the entire world. I'm serious, if anyone ever decides to start an annual friendship awards--my friends'll win em all. But, that said, sometimes, as much as I love my friends, I need to do it all alone.

There have been moments in my life when I wouldn't have made it without my friends and moments where I needed to be alone, to fend for myself. If that sounds stupid, I don't know. It's just how it is.

I know my friends love me and I also know they don't always approve of my choices and I hate it when I disapoint them, especailly when I know that they might be right. That maybe I am making a mistake, but... I hate feeling like I can't talk to them, because I let them down.

I don't know, this whole entry isn't turning out like I thought. I put the words on the page, and they don't sound like they did in my head. I'm not even really sure what I'm saying, just that I need to get it out.

Maybe, it's becasue I've been feeling very alone lately. But, not in the bad way. Alone, in the 'it's given me time to think' way and I'll have more of that as I'll be away for the next three weeks.

There are times, when being alone is the last thing in the world I want--when I feel like the emptiness is goign to swallow me up and I need someone to lean on, someone to pull me out of it. And htere are other times, when the lonlieness is just what the doctor prescribed and this is one of those times.

Still, I know when I come out of it, my friends'll be there for me and that's a wondeful feeling. I'm very grateful to have that, the knowledge that there'll be someone there for me when I need them.

Again, this entry doesn't mkae a lot of sense. But then, I don't always make a lot of sense, do I? Still, I just wanted to get it all out and I hope, I sort of suceeded.