Clothes

So, Mom and I went shopping today and I got some new clothes and a new pair of shoes. Yay! Of course, the downside is that new clothes meant that it was time to go through my closet and through things out.

I hate throwing things out. Hate it. It took me a while, but I made a fair dent. Things that had rips or stains or that I hadn't worn in a long time and probably wouldn't wear again, all went in the garbage.

I actually saw that by sorting out all my clothes, that there was actually stuff that I really do need to buy still. In an odd reverse from the last few years, I have plenty of jeans and almost no dress pants. Though, weirdly enough, I have plenty of skirts. But I do need dress pants. So, that goes on the list.

Weekend Report

So, I'm back from Toronto. It was a fantastic weekend. Lots of fun.

Tara's b-day party was a blast. Though, I now know that prepacked Long Island Tea mix is very potent. I only had like three of them and I was wasted. But, it was fun. At least I didn't throw up.

Went with Meg, Phil and Chuck to the gay pride parade. Too hot, too many people, I'm not crazy about crowds and well, I now have a sunburn, so... Still, I'm glad I can say I went and I apologize to Meg and Phil (Chuck as well), for being whiny because I was cranky. Sorry.

Went home and got a surprise visit from my cousin Jen who lives in Michigan. Turns out she was staying overnight at my grandfather's, so I got a chance to see her and catch up and that was nice.

Can't think of anything else to say right now. Tired.

It's A Small World

It is a very, very small world. Got an e-mail from a friend today, passing on a message from a friend of hers who thought I looked familiar and it turned out to be Chris, the guy I met at Ad-Astra, how odd is that?

Sometimes, the world seems like a big, scary place and other times, you realize just how small it really is. Someone you've met in one place can turn out to know someone you know from somewhere else entirely, it's all very odd.

Anyway, I'm still kind of stunned by how small the world really is. It was just very startling to open that e-mail. Wow.

Off, to Toronto tomorrow to hang out with Meg and then Tara's b-day party is on Saterday, which will be fun. Update when I get back.

Weekend Update

Edmonton lost. Damnit. I was really rooting for them, especially since they played amazing in the last two games. Damn! Thirteen years since Canada's won a cup, the last time was the first Stanley Cup Final that I really remember clearly, Montreal vs. LA in 1993. Way too long.

Still it was a good series and I enjoyed it. Fast paced, lots of scoring, yet great goaltending. A serious improvement over the game as it was the last few years before the lock-out. In fact the whole season and the entirity of the play-offs were really good. At least, more interesting.

So, busy weekend. Got a lot of errands done, which is good. In fact, it was a strangley productive weekend. We got most of the things on our to-do list done. Yay.

It was Father's Day weekend, which was okay. A little sad, but it's never not going to be. That's just a fact. We went to the cemetary and left flowers and a balloon, then we went for dinner at my grandfather's, which was nice. Taela and I sat around and drank Margeritas and Pina Coladas and talked the night before and she gave me a present, a cool Jimi Hendrex shirt, so that was neat.

All in all, I had a good weekend.

Housing Choice

I checked out three different apartments today, all of which were for next September. The first place was nice, but it wasn't what I was looking for and it just didn't compare to the other two. However, now I have a dilemna.

I honestly loved both places, but for totally different reasons. One represent freedom, everything I don't have at home. I could have the whole experience there. The other place, was very homey and comfortable.

One place was further from school, but closer to the downtown. It also had very few rules and a hot landlord. He's a firefighter too, and about my age. Tempting. But probably not conductive to the kind of studying I'll need to do. Still, it might be fun and really is a nice apartment.

The other place is rented out by a very sweet older couple. It has a lot of rules and restrictions, but they also seem prepared to dote on a tenant and I really liked them. Also, it's within walking distance of campus, so... I'm just afraid, that it'll be a little too restricting, just like living at home, but it would probably be the better enviroment to get serious studying done.

This is it. My last chance. Another strike and I'm out, or at least that's what it feels like. I've screwed up a lot and Hell, even I wonder if I have what it takes, but I'm giving it a shot. I'm serious this time and I'm going to do what it takes. Which is why I've given up men and relationships and all things connected until next year. That said, it seems obvious which house I should pick, but...

Freedom. It's a tempting idea, especaially since I've never really enjoyed it. I guess, it's hard to overcome my own self-destructive tendancies. I know what's best for me, but...

Of course, this is all assuming that either place wants me. Hopefully they will, since I promised to let them both know by Monday.

Illusions

I guess one of the last relics of childhood is illusion and ideal. Truly becoming an adult means letting go of those things and accepting the truth for what it is. Accepting that our parents are only human and that they're flawed like everyone else, that there is no such thing as perfect in the world.

We want to believe, as children, that our parents' are perfect. Their love, their marriage, their personalities. We don't want to see the flaws, we just want to see the perfect picture. The fairytale image.

As adults, we come to realize that our parents are just like us. We are not perfect, so why should we expect them to me. Still, each time we learn of some new flaw or imperfection, it's like a mortal blow. We want them to be perfect, we want their to be no blemishes on their history, but of course that can't happen.

Marriages are complicated, people are complicated. We all have our sins and our vices. We've all made mistakes and have regrets. Beings parents does not change that, doesn't make you infallible, but sometimes as the child it's a little hard to see.

The moment of truth, when you can no longer deny that your parents are only human, is like crashing down to Earth, it's that last curtain of childhood pulled away and leaving only the big bad world.