I Hate My Life

I'm hitting a low point. One of those days, when I feel like I'm about to hit rock bottom. I can't decide if I want to throw things or break down and cry. I can't decide which would be less productive.

I feel so lost and alone. I feel like nobody cares, even if realistically I know that's not true. People do care, I have wonderful loving friends, but it's just one of those days when that's not registering. Where I feel like I'm totally on my own.

I hate my life. I hate this town and I feel like I'm never going to get out of it. Somehow, I think I'm going to be here until I'm 90. I just want out... Out of this town, out fo my life for a little while...

I want to scream, but I can't. I want to cry, but I've done that too often lately. I want to smash everything in my room to little pieces, but that's not going to help. I'm not sure what will.

This feeling has been building up in me for a while. The feeling of being lost and alone, disconnected from everything and everyone I love. This total frustration with my life.

It's a combination of things. This town, stress leave from work (which I think is actually harming my sanity rather than helping), my lack of communication with people which can be blamed on hecitc lives and the fact that I'm pretty far away in this stupid town. The fact that tomorrow's father's day. It's a lot of things.

But it all adds up to the fact that I feel low and desperate and empty. I just want something to change. I just want out.

God, I hate my life.