I Hate Surprises

People have asked me why I hate surpises so much and given me a hard time about the fact that I react negativitly when people keep things from me, even when I know they want it to be a surprise.

I need my information up front. I need time to process things and I hate being the last to be told anything. A lot of it goes back to the fact that my parents often kept things from me "for my own protection" and I always found out by accident and was totally unprepared. So when that happens now, even if it's good news, I automatically freak out.

When I was 13, my cousin Menya was diagnosed with breast cancer. My parents (mainly my mother) decided I didn't need to know and decided to keep the news from me. I admit, I was young--but old enough to know that they were keeping something, so it only made me suspicious. Then, I overheard part of a telephone conversation and part of a conversation between my father and aunt, it was then that I demanded to know what was going on.

I was naturally devastated and the idea that they had kept it from me and weren't going to tell me until they absoloutly had to bothered me. I felt (and I still believe) that I had the right as a member of the family to know what was going on.

My mother did this to me many, many times over the years, keeping things from me because she thought it was best. I know this isn't the same as a friend wanting to surpirse me, but I hate being caught off guard.

On the flip side, I like anticipation. If there's a party coming or something like Christmas, then I love the waiting. In fact, I think that's the best part. I don't like opening my presents early (I always want to, but it does take some of the thrill off). I think the difference is that even if I don't know what my present is, I know it's there.

Yet, even the good surprises, when they're truly a surprise and I don't know they're coming, throw me completly off guard and upset me. I just don't like having things thrown at me out of left field, good or bad, and I hate the idea that people were keeping something from me, whether its good news or bad.

Maybe, it's weird, but well, I can't help it. I'm weird, live with it. And if you value your life don't ever throw me a surprise party, because I can guarantee a negative reaction. I would be likely to scream or throw up or freak out. So, just don't do it.