Mr. Wrong-For-Me

This was a post I started back in early July (before Mark) and never finished. I'm finishing it now and adding to it.

I came to a realization about my taste in men. Taela once told me that I was attracted to men who were "bad for me". Not nessarcily bad boys, but guys who weren't good for me in some way or another, whether it was there fault or not.

Talking to a friend a while ago, I realized that in a lot of ways that might have stemmed from my father. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad dearly, but he wasn't always the best influence. Over the years, he caused me a lot of pain, though not all of it on purpose. It was just the way it was. Now, as an adult, I tend to be attracted to men who do the same thing.

They don't mean to hurt me, they aren't bad men, but in the end they do cause me pain in some way. Maybe because it's a long distance thing and that's not good for me, maybe they hurt me in another way, maybe they're not available. It comes down to a bunch of different factors.
Yet, in the end, I always come out of it a bit more scary and damaged.

I don't even have to date them for that to happen. Just being involved or sometimes, just being interested, can occasionally lead me down that road. After all, I've had some less than pretty moments and some severe damage from things that never were. Golf tournament party. No, I seemed to have this great attraction to the wrong man. Not nessecarily Mr. Wrong, but Mr. Wrong-For-Me. Oh, there've been a few of those.

That doesn't bode well for Mark, does it? Yet, so far he's been amazing for me. Yeah, the long distance thing is causing issues, but I feel stronger and better because I have Mark. He brings out good things in me and so far, he hasn't been bad for me. Maybe, the pattern has changed. Maybe the years of therapy are finalyl working their magic. Maybe, I'm finally down with all the Mr. Wrong-For-Me's, maybe I'm done being scary and damaged. It would be nice, wouldn't it?