The Chaos Factor

I dislike chaos, though I have a tendancy to create it. I just want my life to be neat, simple and orderly, but fate always seems to have other ideas.

I have a habit of getting into situations. Creating messes that amuse everyone else, but cause me no end of emotional turmoil and I hate it. I thought by 21 I was done with that tendancy, being that it does seem like a teenage habit.

I understand that some kinds of chaos nothing can prevent. I mean, the accident tore my life apart of no fault of my own or anyone else's. It just happened. I didn't get a vote. I'd rather it didn't happen, but that's not the kind of chaos I have a problem with.

No, it's the kind of my own making I despise. When I do or say somethign that I shouldn't and end up creating one of those messes that leaves me stressing in my room for days. Like opening a Pandora's box of old feelings. That kind of thing. Some doors are better left closed, I shoudl know that, but I alwyas have to press, don't I?