What to Say?

So I went to Toronto this weekend, that was fun. I enjoyed seeing Meg again, god I've missed her. It sucks only seeing her every couple months. Still, it's not forever. It just seems that way.

That was fun, but lot's of other things weren't. My great-aunt Leila passed away. Which sucked. It wasn't a huge surprise, she'd been very ill, but I was still quite upset. She was a great lady and I'll miss her very much. She was the nicest of all my McKague relatives. It's definitely a loss.

Also, this really pissed me off. I got up at 9 a.m so I could get back to Cobourg in time to get to work. I crawled out of bed, said goodbye to Meg and made my way to Union. I missed my Go train by 2 minutes and ended up being so late for work that it wasn't worth going. The irritiating part being that since I didn't go to work, I would ahve been better off staying in Toronot a little longer and visiting with Meg longer. As well as not getting up so damned early. I'm not a morning person.

Other than, I guess things are okay. I hate my job, but not as much as I might hate another job. I'm lonely, but it's not forever. My mother drives me nuts, but I understand.

I'm getting more and more tense the closer it gets to being February. Not a month I've ever liked and this year... I'm dreading it, obviously. I mean, I no other month will remind me as strongly of my father. After all he was born in February and he died in February. Two dates eighteen days apart. Damn, that's going to suck.

But at least once this February has past, I'll have done it. I'll have faced every first and survived. The next year is bound to be easier. I hope.

But right now, it just feels so hard. It's hard to imagine it every being easier. Superbowl Sudnay is coming up. God, if Daddy were here... But he's not. He's never going to be here again. I'm reminded of that over and over again. So many little things remind me of him.

So, I'm a little depressed these days. Back on sleeping pills because I'm having a hard time sleeping. But not hte heavy-duty ones I took right after the accident, only light ones. Which is an improvement, I guess. I just hate being medicated.

But then, there aren't many things about my life that I like right now. I'm just so damned down.

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
From the Phantom of the Opera

You were once my one companion...
You were all that mattered...
You were once a friend and father-
Then my world was shattered...

Wishing you were somehow here again...
Wishing you were somehow near...
Sometimes it seemed,
If I just dreamed,
Somehow you would be here...

Wishing I could hear your voice again...
Knowing that I never would...
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I could...

Passing bellls and sculpted angels,
Cold and monumental,
Seemed for you the wrong companions-
You were warm and gentle...
Too many years fighting back tears...
Why can't the past just die...?

Wishing you were somehow here again...
Knowing we must say goodbye...
Try to forgive...
Teach me to live...
Give me the strength to try...

No more memories,
No more silent tears...
No more gazing across the wasted years...
Help me say goodbye...
Help me say goodbye.

I've always loved that song and I thought it was kind of appropriate of my current mind set.