Anger

Mom and I just got into a fight. Which isn't exactly surprising since we fight all the time. This fight was different.

We were fighitng about my dad. I made a casual comment and she took offence. She's still mad at him for the way for he lived his life and for dying and leaving us. I don't see the point in being mad at him, I'm more sad that he was never at peace and sad that he died so young.

So the fight started about that, about the fact that she has to be negative and I refuse to be. Then it turned to the fact that it bothers her when I mention him. All right I can see it upsetting her a little, but she wanted to know why I alwyas had to talk about him, why I couldn't get over it?

That really upset me. Am I really supposed to just 'get over it'? I mean, he was my father and now he's dead. I know it's been almost a year, but it still hurts like Hell. It's still a raw wound in my soul. I am not ready to get over it. Also my mother's certainly not getting it over, so why would I be?

I know that it still hurts her and she was just taking that out on me, but that one really angered me. This is one of those mometns I wish we were on different continents, instead of in the same house. She's been so mean this last year and while I understand, it doens't mean I want to be her verbal punching bag.

Maybe I do talk about my father a little too much as anyone who has read this blog would probably say. I'm sure my friends would agree, though they've all been too polite to say so. But talking about him helps me heal. I need to talk about him. I just can't forget he ever existed. I even to talk about the accident, because that helps me understand it a little better. Is that really so bad?

This is the worst thing that ever happened to me. It tore my life apart and left it in a million pieces. Is it really a crime to talk about it?