2004: A Year In Review

New Year's Eve. And yet again, I'm at home at my computer. Honestly, I had at least two different parties I could have gone to tonight and I was going to go to one of htem but Mom's sick and I'm on the mend, so we're going to spend this one at home.

It's not that big a deal. I wasn't actually sure that party was going to be that much fun. In fact, I was 99% convinced that it wouldn't be. I don't do well at parties. So skipping it doesn't really bother me. And I'm used to being alone on New Year's, so...

Another year is over. Thank God. 2004 was not the best year of my life. Not by a long shot. It started badly and ended badly. I mean, look at it this way, I think I'd rather live the year 1999 again and that wasn't my best year either.

Let's see we began the year in a very tight financial spot. No heat, no satelite, always worried about the mortgage. My dad had no job and we were hanging on by a thread. I don't think I ever want to be in that place again. Then, my father's killed in a car accident, which really sucked. So, I spend the next several months trying to deal with the consequences of that.

The next few months actually aren't that bad. I mean, I'm not crazy about my job and I felt depressed most of the time. But life went on. It was okay.

Then came September. I went to a party. I said too much and I cause a lovely mess. One of the reasons I hadn't realyl wanted to go to that party tonight. What can I say? I'm not a big fan of dealing with the consequences.

I ended up doing some damage to some very old friendships. How much damage I'm not sure. I haven't had the guts to try and find out. Instead, I've been avoiding the other people involved. Which is kind of difficult as they're two of my oldest friends. Or at least they were. I've had three stilted MSN conversations with one and a three minute chat in a grocery store with the other in the last three months.

Then there was all this in-fighting amongst my friends. I just want us to all get along. But I don't know if that's possible. It depresses me to even think about it.

What else happened this year? Well, several members of my family faced bad health. I lost my great aunt and another great aunt is in very poor health. Which really sucks because she's probably my favourite relative on that side of the family, not counting the immediate family, of course. My grandfather's also in poor health and I'm afraid I'm going to lose him too. I mean the man's almost 95, but I still don't want to lose him.

He frustrates me a lot of the time, but at the same time I have a lot of respect for my grandfather and we're close, or as close as he'll ever be to anyone. He's not the kindly, cuddly grandfather I always dreamed of. He's hard and demanidng, yet, I know he loves me and that he's only ever wanted what's best for me. It's just that we have very different views on that.

He's still with us for now, so I won't worry too much about the future. At least, I'll get to start off 2005 with him in it... We'll see where it goes from there.

I can't think of much out that happened. General restlessness on my part. I hate this town and my mother drives me crazy. But that's not new. Depression, but that's not surprising.

This hasn't been my best year. In fact, I'm quite happy to see it go. May 2005 bring better things.