Lonely

Sometimes, I feel so lonely, so cut off from everyone else. I also feel like I'm falling and nobody can catch me.

Tonight's one of those nights, the ones when I'm on a thin edge. I tried calling someone, just hoping that hearing the voice of one of my best friends would help me feel better, but neither of them was home. There are other people I could call, but no one who would help the way either of them would. Sometimes I feel very alone.

This feeling of being cut-off from the rest of the world has been growing for a while. With the excpetion of weekly dinners with the boys, it seems I don't see or talk to anyone anymore. I mean, I know it's natural and that we're all busy, but it doesn't make me feel any less lonely.

This weekend is Thanksgiving and everybody's coming home, so maybe that'll make me feel better. Of course, it's a holiday, so probably not. On one hand, I'll have my friends around me, on the other hand I'll be dealing with another family occasion with Daddy, so... It kind of evens out.

I've taken up painting. You know boxes, figurines. It relaxes me, in a way even my writing doesn't. Of course my wriitng depends on the deeper, unhappier emotions of my soul and I have to delve into those emotions to write, so it probably wouldn't relax me, huh? I mean, my writing completes me, but it doesn't make me feel at piece. Painting does, the way drawing always did when I was little.

I hope this feeling of misery will pass when the weekends over, but... Who knows, right?